


KING PENDRAGON

by Van1llaB34n



Series: KING PENDRAGON [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abused Arthur Pendragon, Abusive Uther Pendragon, Angst, Angst and Humor, Arthur Pendragon Has Magic (Merlin), Arthur-centric, Artist Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), BAMF Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Child Soldier Arthur Pendragon, Child Soldiers, Confused Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Court Sorcerer Merlin (Merlin), Cussing, Dark Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Dark Merlin (Merlin), Dark Morgana (Merlin), Depressed Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Dialogue Heavy, Elemental Magic, Eventual Romance, Evil Uther Pendragon (Merlin), F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Gaius is So Done (Merlin), Heavy Angst, Hidden Talents, Humor, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Mutual Pining, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Parent Gaius (Merlin), Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Gaius (Merlin), Redeemed Morgana (Merlin), Romantic Gestures, Slow Burn, Swords & Sorcery, Touch-Starved, Uther Pendragon Dies (Merlin), Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Van1llaB34n/pseuds/Van1llaB34n
Summary: Merlin defeated the creature easily. He turned away from his fallen foe and back to the boulder blockade he'd trapped Arthur behind. Too late, Merlin saw the king had found his own way out.Arthur didn't look angry. He didn't even seem surprised. Just hurt. Merlin froze when he realised Arthur was crying. The king hadn't seemed to notice it, his eyes lost and face void of emotion, but tear tracks lined Arthur's cheeks. Arthur didn't cry. It was a rule the king rarely disobeyed. "No man is worth your tears."Arthur discovers Merlin's magic. Now everyone he loves has betrayed him. He starts to blame himself and shut everyone out. He throws himself into being king. Meanwhile, Merlin repents for his mistakes and learns about Arthur's past. What is Arthur hiding? Can Merlin win back Arthur's trust?
Relationships: Gaius & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: KING PENDRAGON [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141790
Comments: 88
Kudos: 144





	1. The Bad Feeling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lawless_bard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lawless_bard/gifts).



> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J

Merlin had a bad feeling about this.

Admittedly, he got a bad feeling every time Arthur decided to go galavanting into the forest. Usually, it was for some stupid errand or quest, but his time the king hadn't even bothered to provide his reasoning. Also, there must be a less dangerous route away from Camelot. Bandits, sorcerers, monsters, and assassins - and that angry old lady once - always found Arthur like bees to a hive. At this point, it was rare that they didn't get chased, maimed, or attacked in one way or another. But did that deter His Royal Pratness? No. No, it did not.

“Arthur,” Merlin whined as he adjusted in his saddle and slouched forward, “I don’t like this. My arse hurts. I'm tired. I'm thirsty. We’ve been riding for hours and you haven’t even told me where we are going!”

“I understand your limited mental capacity makes this difficult, Merlin, but try to remember that I am the king. You can’t speak to me like that. And if you stopped sitting like a pouting child then maybe your scrawny arse wouldn’t hurt.” Arthur replied boredly, running his gloved hand through his hair. It stuck up sporadically, wet from dewy fog surrounding them, “So do me a favour and shut up, Merlin.”

“Oh, commenting on my capacity is brave, sire. Seeing as your head is the size of a farmer's prize pumpkin. And yet, I swear I can hear the wind whistling through one ear and out the other.” Merlin smiled smugly at himself, “I bet you don't even know where we’re going. You’re just trying to pretend because you can’t admit we’re lost. In the middle of nowhere! You're such a prat...”

Arthur chuckled brightly and made a show of stretching with a roll of his neck. He seemed happier today, but Merlin wasn't sure of the cause. It was business as usual back in the castle. However, it was hard to miss the blond's wide smiles and easy banter. He hadn't even brought the knights with them, something unheard of since his crowning. Unfortunately, instead of enjoying the alone time as he usually did, it only worried Merlin further.

“We are not lost, you idiot. I know exactly where we are going. Not that I’ll be telling you, Merlin. And prat, honestly? That’s the best you’ve got?” Arthur quirked his brow and grinned secretively. Merlin still saw it, of course. It wasn’t hard to look over and catch Arthur’s reactions as they now rode side by side. Not that Merlin was watching him. He simply had to ensure Arthur didn't smack into any low-hanging branches. It was impressive his majesty hadn’t developed any permanent damage from the number of concussions he’d sustained already. No need for any more.

“Oh, do you need a definition for that, sire?”

“No, no I don’t -” Arthur protested.

“Prat. A noun. A prat is someone full of themselves and, almost invariably, stupid as well. With a hint of delusion. Also known as His Majesty, King Arthur Pendragon of Camelot. The Biggest Clotpole in the Land. And Royal Pain in My Ass.”

Arthur mockingly mouthed “invariably” and looked over at Merlin, tilting his head as if about to say something mischievous then decided against it. Instead, he faltered for a second and froze.

"Arthur...?" Merlin whispered concernedly.

Suddenly, Arthur kicked his horse’s sides hard. Uncharacteristic of him, he valued his mare Llamrei above almost everything. He practically coddled her. She bolted forward into a gallop and Merlin’s horse sped off after her, not wanting to be left behind. Merlin barely managed not to topple backward in his surprise.

“WHAT THE FUCK, ARTHUR?!”

Arthur didn’t even look back at him. He sat up on the saddle and maneuvered his horse around trees in a sporadic pattern. Merlin looked around, confused, and tried not to slip off in the process.

“What are you doing?! Couldn’t you have given me some warning for a race?”

Then an arrow whistled its way right past Merlin’s head, and he thought it best to actually shut up now. Of course. Bandits. In the heavy fog, it was impossible to see them. How on Earth Arthur had noticed them was a mystery. Merlin just held on for dear life and tried not to get shot. He couldn't risk using his magic to fight back without being able to see his enemy and while so close to Arthur. Speaking of Arthur, he'd dropped the reins and somehow pulled a riding bow and quiver from his saddle pack. It had been suspiciously heavy, Merlin recalled distantly, and he'd most certainly not packed that himself. Wondering when Arthur developed the ability to shoot on horseback was probably not that important at the moment. Nevertheless, Merlin barely dodged another enemy missile as he pondered how Arthur snuck that past him. Or why he brought it at all. Or how he looked that handsome, twisted around shooting arrow after arrow into the shrubbery. Or how one could say, “Stop looking so damn attractive, I’m trying not to die here!” without completely embarrassing themselves.

“MERLIN!” Arthur suddenly yelled, interrupting the servant's train of thought. Did he say that out loud? “Merlin, I’ll distract them. See that boulder up ahead? Go around it then turn back and ride to Camelot. I’ll keep going ahead.”

“I’M NOT LEAVING YOU, YOU IDIOT!”

“Well, you don't have a weapon so what else do you propose? Asking them nicely? Go! I'll handle this the best that I can and then come find you.”

Was Arthur honestly that deluded? As if Merlin would even abandon him. Ridiculous moron. “SHUT UP, ARTHUR.”

Arthur growled frustratedly and reached up for another arrow to find only one left.“Fine. GO LEFT!”

Then Arthur turned right. Of course, he did. And so did Merlin. Right towards a dead end. Arthur notched his last arrow and charged straight towards the cave opening. His head touched Llmarei’s rump as he bent back and pointed the shot to the roof of the cave. The second Merlin had made it in, Arthur released the arrow. It hit its mark and the unstable rocks piled above them. The walls shook and then collapsed as a huge stone barely missed them and blocked the entrance completely. The riders halted their steeds while the loud clamour finally dissipated. Merlin stared at the huge wall of rock, panting and shaking as the adrenaline finally caught up to him.

“What were you thinking, Arthur? This is a cave! There’s no exit! That could have killed us...” When met with silence, Merlin slid off his mount to the cold stone floor. His body ached from where a few stray pebbles had pelted him painfully. They could have been smashed to bits. Merlin hadn’t even had time to think about magic, let alone use it. That was way too close. It was completely reckless and -

“You weren’t supposed to follow me…” Arthur said finally. His annoyingly steady voice was barely discernible over the ringing in Merlin’s ears.

“That’s not the point, Arthur!” Merlin huffed incredulously. He whipped around to look at the king. Maybe he’d expected a smirk or some other smug expression. Maybe even ‘Don’t be such a girl, Merlin. We’re alive aren’t we?’ But instead, Arthur's face was tight with pain and his eyes were glassy and blank. Arthur shook his head stiffly and dismounted. When his feet hit the ground, Merlin was able to see an arrow firmly pierced through his calf. It had gone through entirely, the arrowhead red with blood and completely visible. Seeming detached, Arthur walked forward without a limp and prodded at the rock wall he’d created. Merlin inhaled sharply and rushed forward.

“ARTHUR! Oh, Gods, your leg… you have to stop moving, you have an arrow in your leg! Sire!”

Arthur nodded, wordlessly, and reached down to the offending bolt. Not even looking down, he snapped the head off in his fist and pulled it straight out of his leg.

“WHAT? NO! Why would you do that?!” Merlin snatched the arrow from Arthur’s hands and stared at it, “You don’t pull out arrows!”

Merlin yanked on Arthur’s shoulder and pulled him around to face him. Arthur didn’t even blink. What was happening? Was it bloodloss? Shock? Did he get hit too hard on the head again? “We need to sit down, Arthur. Hey, come on, talk to me? What’s wrong with you?”

Merlin lifted a hand to hold his jaw with his palm. As quickly as it had come, the glazed defensive look in Arthur’s eyes was replaced with warmth and then… pain.

“Sorry, Merlin…”

“It’s fine, Arthur. But you have to sit down, ok? I need to see your leg.” There must have still been light coming from somewhere because Merlin could see the blood slowly pooling around Arthur’s foot.

Suddenly, though not surprisingly, the king’s knees buckled and he collapsed unconscious.


	2. The Treasure Chest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard!  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J

Arthur woke to ringing in his ears and a blur of black and white clouding his vision. After blinking away the dizzying spots, he recognized Merlin’s face directly above his. The servant was unusually close, and as worried blue eyes blinked down at him, Arthur couldn’t help but mockingly mumble, “Let’s have you, Lazy Daisy…”

“What?” Merlin’s voice was too sharp and loud. Arthur’s leg was on fire. The blond bit back a groan and tried to stay as still as possible. He knew his servant was still watching him intently so Arthur smiled tightly to reassure him.

“Nothing, Merlin. Why are you looking at me like I just ate your berry tart?"

“Because you just collapsed on me after yanking an arrow out of your leg, you git!” Merlin tried to look angry, his face red and his hands clenched. But the furrow in his brow and the waver in his voice gave him away.

“Still can’t talk to me like that… by the way."

“And honestly," Merlin interrupted, "that’s not even comparable to being robbed of a berry tart. Even though they are my favourite!”

“Yes, I’m aware they're your favourite. Why else do you think I always get two? I'm not that fat!” Catching his admission too late, Arthur flushed and grumbled a silent curse to whatever had inspired him to say that.

“You get one for me?” Merlin grinned devilishly and playfully pawed at his chest. “So you do care for me then, sire?”

“I do not!" Arthur hadn't been aware his voice could even reach that pitch anymore.

“Oh yes, you do!”

“No, no, I most definitely do not!”

“Yes, you do!” Merlin cackled annoyingly, “You even apologized to me!”

“I recall no such thing."

“Well, I do! You were dramatic about it as well. You said something like, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, dear Merlin. My best friend Merlin. My favourite person Merlin. I’m now going to faint like a damsel in distress because I saw fit to rip an arrow out of my leg. Catch me!” Merlin reenacted the moment exuberantly, lifting his wrist to his forehead and swooning to lie by Arthur. He laughed hysterically at his own joke. Arthur tried his hardest to act offended.

“You’d better have a new appreciation for my 'excessive' packing skills, too! I brought enough of Gaius’s supplies to patch up your leg. Call me useless all you want but without me, you’d be short a leg and arm by now! At the minimum!"

“I would be just fine! I survived 20 years before you, Merlin, believe it or not!” Arthur snapped halfheartedly, tired and lacking any heat to his words.

“And how you managed to accomplish that is a mystery to us all. Were you some sort of homebody till I showed up? Then you decided that charging into danger at any available moment was entertaining? Do you enjoy giving me grey hairs?!”

Arthur twisted his head to look at Merlin, eyes wandering over his scalp to find evidence of such offensive strands. He found none. “Oh, stop whining, Merlin. Your hair is fine."

“I thought it was ridiculous.”

“It is ridiculous! You look like you tried to cut it yourself. But it's all one color! Black. Now shut up!”

“Well, actually, I think it reflects brown in the sunlight.”

“Shut up, Merlin!” It did, in fact, reflect bits of brown in the sunlight. Not that Arthur had noticed. This entire conversation was rather exhausting, and he realised that Merlin only talked this much when he was incredibly happy or incredibly nervous. And Arthur doubted it was the former. “Where are we?”

“Stuck in a cave. All thanks to you, clotpole!"

"In a cave… right… and the horses? Where is the light coming from? It’s not fire.”

“Horses are tied over there at the end. I don’t know about the light. I was too worried a fire would fill the cave with smoke.”

“Right, well unless it was a bonfire, I’m sure we would have been fine, Merlin. It’s cold if you haven't noticed.” It wasn't cold, Arthur just needed something to complain about. He didn't actually care, he'd been bundled up in blankets while unconscious. He tried to swallow back a blush when he noticed Merlin had tucked him in like a small tot.

“Nothing ever pleases you, does it? Do you even know how to be grateful? Are you physically capable of being anything other than a complete wanker…. Arthur? Are you even listening to me?!"

Arthur was, in fact, not listening at all. Per usual. The warlock groaned and pinched his nose.

“I’ve been here before…” Arthur mumbled, staring intently at the wall past his servant’s head.

“What?” Merlin looked up confusedly.

Arthur had been here before. There was a beam of light shining through the darkness of the cavern, and it illuminated a small drawing on the walls. Merlin twisted to follow Arthur's gaze. Two little figures painted to hold hands, the first sporting some odd squiggly lines, hair supposedly, and the other a little crown. Arthur slipped out of his bedding carefully and limped towards it, mumbling to himself.

"Morgana drew this..."

"Are you sure it's safe, sire?"

"What? No, I mean - not recently. When we were little. I've been here before with her, and I remember her drawing this. It's been years though. I can't believe it's still here."

Merlin rose too and hung back awkwardly, not quite sure what to do with himself. "Did you two often escape into the woods to paint self-portraits on cave walls? Seems like an odd hobby for a couple of royals."

Arthur didn't respond, but he jerked as if tugged on a line and spun wildly. He seemed to be searching for something, and he pushed his feet around oddly in the dirt. When his toe caught on something, he let out a laugh and started digging.

"Have you been possessed? I'm far too tired to deal with some sort of demon right now."

"Shut up, Merlin. Look! It's still here."

Merlin crept forward and knelt by Arthur's slumped form. He tucked his head out of the way to let the light beam through. It danced through the king's fingers down to the ground. Arthur was digging away at the outline of a box before gripping it at its lip and yanking it up. A puff of dust shot up, causing them to cough, and Merlin sneezed violently. He blinked the dirt out of his eyes and barely caught the carved label on the box before Arthur swung it open. "What is that?!"

ARTHUR'S TREASURE CHEST

"When we were little, Morgana and I ran away. She packed all sorts of useful things: food, water, weapons. She kept teasing me because all I brought was this..."

Arthur poured out the box and laughed to himself with a childish glee Merlin didn't see often. He sorted through the objects before landing on one to hold up into the light.

"This was my toy. I got it from a nobleman's son when I was tiny, perhaps four summers old? It was his least favorite, but I loved it, so I stole it. I went to bed that night terrified the King's guard was going to drag me to the dungeons. It was the first time I ever stole anything!" Arthur pushed the little figurine towards Merlin. It was a black sculpture in the shape of a jousting knight and horse. It was simple and a little messily made, and the servant wondered why Arthur had liked this toy so much. A prince had surely owned better. And so he asked.

"I wasn't allowed many toys. Uther wasn't much into useless games and silliness. I got some for presents occasionally, from the staff or another child. Eventually, Father found all of those and destroyed them. I can't believe this little thing is here, I thought it was lost forever!"

Merlin's eyes widened at the odd revelation Arthur had unintentionally provided him. Not allowed toys? Arthur said he was four when he stole the little knight. Why would Uther be so against his young son having toys that he'd take away any that he found? Before Merlin could voice his questions, Arthur gasped loudly. He fumbled with the ties on a small canvas wrap and rolled it out with impatience.

"So this is where this went?! I looked for this for weeks!"

"What is it? It just looks like charcoal sticks."

"Well, it is charcoal sticks, Merlin. Sybil gifted them to me after she caught me watching Thomas sketch out weapons designs..." Arthur trailed off after remembering the implications of his story. Sybil and Thomas were dead now. Sybil must have been Gwen and Elyan's mother. Merlin had heard she worked for Leon's family household. It was news to him that Arthur knew her as well. And knew her well enough to be smuggled art supplies. Merlin wondered why Arthur hadn't mentioned it before. Catching the blond's depleting mood, Merlin snorted a laugh and poked the king with his elbow.

"Didn't peg you for an artistic soul, sire! Now you're telling me you can draw? Hopefully better than whatever Morgana doodled on the walls."

Arthur shot Merlin an unamused eyeroll but pushed a bound notebook to him all the same. Merlin pursed his lips and carefully opened it. The bindings were brittle, and some pages slid out, Merlin fumbling to catch them. When he did, he whistled quietly and looked up at Arthur and back at the page in rapid succession. Arthur could draw... incredibly well. He flipped through the pages and gazed at them with wonder. Some of the drawings he instantly recognized. A detailed sketch of a horse's head. A simple outline of a hut on a hill. But as Merlin got further into the book, the drawings became grander and grander.

One depicted Morgana, with her features sharp even as a child, gazing out of her window to the courtyard. Another of Gwen's face, her eye's closed and smiling gently. An old man with a long beard with a cloak pulled over his head. A woman kissing a child's forehead. He flipped through the pages enthralled by their contents. When he got to the end, he found a paper ripped out and folded in half. He looked up at Arthur questioningly, who had averted his eyes to avoid Merlin's reaction to his work. Getting no response, he pulled the page out and opened it.

This drawing was different than the others. With the rest of his art, Arthur had painstakingly created tiny details and gentle shading. This one... the face of a young boy, was haphazard and roughly made from jagged lines and harsh shadows. Merlin ran his fingers over it and then raised it to the king.

"Who is this?"

Arthur slowly lifted his eyes from his fidgeting fingers, and his lips dropped apart when he saw the paper. He broke out of his shock quickly and pulled it gently out of Merlin's grasp.

"I wasn't very good. Anyhow, now that you've had your merry way with the book, you have plenty of blackmail on me. You can run off and tell all of my knights how I scribble and scrawl roses and daisies in my spare time or something."

"Who is it?" Merlin asked again. He looked back down at the book as if it would somehow provide the answers.

"It was supposed to be me. Wasn't very good obviously, it's not like you could tell just by looking at it."

"All of your other drawings were so clear. I saw Gwen, Morgana, Geoffrey, horses, knights, servants. But that one doesn't look at all like you. How come? You spend enough time preening in the mirror, you ought to know your own face." It shouldn't bother him as much as it did, but something nagged in Merlin's chest.

Instead, Arthur just nudged Merlin with his foot and tried for a snotty quip, "Yes well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps I just perceive myself differently than you do."

Arthur's gaze suddenly blazed defensively as if daring him to continue his interrogation. So rather than step into treacherous waters, Merlin reached for the piece of leather twisted in Arthur's fingers. "Alright, fine, you big baby! What's this then? It looks like a piece of an old boot..."

"It's a collar. It used to be for my dog when I was a boy. A hunting dog got bred with a stray accidentally. They drowned the other puppies, but I snuck off with one. I was young and naive, and I didn't understand why they would hurt something tiny and innocent. I thought it was barbaric!"

"It is barbaric!" Merlin exclaimed hotly, "It's a waste of perfectly good lives. All because of some ridiculous need for pure bloodlines. As if the castle couldn't afford to feed a few more mouths. And they would have been just as good for hunting anyways!"

Arthur shrugged but smiled at Merlin's passion. The servant always cared for animals in a way that used to annoy him, but now he finds it rather endearing. He'd never met anyone who viewed other creatures as any more than food, weapons, or tools. But Merlin saw every living thing, even the spiders in the halls, as little beings. Life to be cherished. And Arthur wished he could be as good and pure as Merlin.

"It's just the way it is, Merlin. They wanted to drown Veela, too. Tried to pry her from my hands when they found her under my bed. But my nursemaid shooed them away and told me she needed milk or she was going to die. We kept the mother dog in my antechamber. Poor thing had been crying horribly for her pups. I felt I'd done something right when I showed her I'd saved Veela."

"Oh..." Merlin imagined the poor mother's whimpers as she watched her babies drowned. This cave seemed to have a spell of some sort on it, for Arthur had never been this candid before. Merlin couldn't think of a single childhood story Arthur had told before now. He felt trusted and hungry for more."Veela? That's what you named her? Like the magical women? That seems a bit -"

"Yes, I realise," Arthur cut in looking uncomfortable, "my nursemaid used to tell stories about them. I thought the puppy looked like one because I'd never seen a white dog before."

Merlin hadn't either, and he tended for Arthur's hunting dogs often. It was one of the chores he pretended to hate so Arthur would give it to him more often. There wasn't a white dog. But before Merlin could ask Arthur sighed, "It was a long time ago."

He started to pack the trinkets back into the box gingerly and smiled tiredly at Merlin. In the silence, Merlin realised a rather important piece of the story was missing. Why were these things, these precious belongings of Arthur's, buried in a cave in the middle of the woods?

"Why did you and Morgana run away?"

Arthur stilled and tried to seem aloof, "I don't know. I was young. I don't remember, honestly."

"So you remember everything you just told me, but not why the prince and ward of Camelot ran away from home? What happened? Were you being hidden for safety? Did you just get sick of three square meals a day and decided to live it rough for a vacation? How long were you gone? How old were you?"

Overwhelmed by Merlin's questions and the stabbing pain from his leg, Arthur slammed the chest shut and snapped, "We were children, Merlin. We were stupid and ungrateful and unrealistic. You know how Morgana could be when she set her mind to something. After some fight with Father, she said that she was running away and never coming back. We stayed in the woods for a few weeks, months, maybe. We hid in this cave for a little while, but then they found us and brought us home. They rescued us from..."

"You ran away for months?! Morgana, I could understand, but you're so hellbent on duty, and... why would you go with her? Rescued you from what?"

"Merlin... there's a monster in the cave."

The room suddenly got ice cold. The light beam had faded, and the room had gone dark as they'd talked.

"It comes at night."

Merlin shot up to his feet and whirled around. His hip caught on Arthur's propped up shield, and it crashed to the ground. A loud clanging echoed through the cavern.

Followed by a terrifying, shrieking roar.


	3. The Beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard!  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J

"You couldn't possibly have just remembered that earlier, could you?!" Merlin yelled, shooting a dumbfounded look over his shoulder at the stumbling blond.

"You're the one who knocked over the bloody shield!" Arthur huffed, pulling his sword off of his horse's saddle.

Merlin muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Fine! See if I ever patch your leg up again, you twat..." and scanned the cave for a possible exit. The light beam had to have come from somewhere. He found a small opening in the wall, a likely culprit, but there was no way they could possibly fit through it. Earlier, Merlin had thought about using his magic to move the fallen rocks while Arthur was unconscious. But then he'd heard the bandits yelling on the other side and had gotten distracted tending to Arthur's wounds. Then there was the slightly concerning childhood story-time. Either way, he felt like an idiot. His only chance to use magic discreetly was gone, and now there was a monster with them in the cave.

"There's no way out, Arthur." Merlin huffed in defeat, "What kind of monster was it? An actual magical creature? Maybe it was a bear or something? You were young... your imagination could've exaggerated it!"

"It was not a bear!"

Arthur would rather it be a bear. Bears could be beaten. But he remembered the beast now and how the knights had stabbed it and shot it with crossbows to no effect. Like the griffin, all weapons had bounced off its form uselessly.

"Are you certain? Maybe a big mean badger? A pack of wolves? Wildren?"

"It was a creature of magic, Merlin! The knights could not harm it. We barely escaped with our lives. If it was a sort of angry mammal, they would have killed it then, and it wouldn't be our problem now!"

Merlin nodded and stared into the dark tunnel of the cave. They could hear the quiet growls getting louder as the creature got closer. They hadn't been quiet, and there was no doubt it would soon find them. Arthur spun Excalibur smoothly in his hand, shifting into a defensive position. With his leg injured, Arthur was left unbalanced, and the blood loss still kept him pale. He couldn't fight like this... it was too dangerous. "Alright, give me the sword. You're in no condition to fight, sire!"

"I can still fight fine, Merlin. It's just my leg."

"I'll be the one to decide if it's 'just your leg'. I have medical training! The only thing you've trained in is how to stab at things and to be an ass!"

"Well, you can hardly tell apart the handle from the blade! What's your plan, Merlin? Sing it a lullaby and hope it leads us to the backdoor?"

"My plan is to stop you from getting yourself killed!"

Merlin had gotten too loud in his exasperation, and his voice ricocheted off the stone walls. The creature let out a shrill cry and crawled towards them. It was too dark to see it, but Merlin could feel the ground shake under his feet. Finally, it emerged from the shadows. The horses snorted and shrieked in fear. They tugged at their tied reins and stomped anxiously. Merlin tried to hush them, but it was useless.

The monster was white and skeletal, with bones protruding from its spine and joints. It crawled like an insect across the ceiling, two talons sharp and glinting from each foot. As though looking for them, it huffed and sniffed, and Merlin prayed that it was blind and would leave if they stood still without a breath. It flexed and shifted, its skin wrinkled with each movement, shining with dew. Merlin's lungs screamed at him for air, and when he could hold it in no longer, he sucked in a breath. The creature's head snapped towards him, beady black eyes blinking hungrily at him. It snapped its jaws with rows upon rows of teeth glinting in the moonlight, and dropped to the floor and lunged.

"MERLIN!" Arthur yelled, grabbing Merlin's sleeve and yanking him away from it.

Merlin scrambled backward and dodged as the creature slammed past him and into the ground. The walls shook from the commotion and an idea popped into the warlock's head. He saw Arthur slowly approach the beast from behind as it shook its head frustratedly. Merlin had to keep Arthur safe. Running forward and pushing Arthur out of the way, he screamed, "ARTHUR, GET BACK! THE CAVE IS COLLAPSING!"

When the monster lunged again, guided by his shout, Merlin rolled and shot out a hushed spell towards the cave ceiling. It shook and fell, building a blockade between them and the king. He heard Arthur yell for him, but all that registered in Merlin's thoughts was that the king was unharmed. Now Merlin faced the beast alone.

It was a Lymocton. 'The starving man'. He'd seen it in his book before. He couldn't remember much, only that they had an aversion to light and heat. So he spun around, fists blazing hot with fire, and called to it, "Alright, you've got me now. Give it your best shot."

The monster shrieked giddily and snapped its mouth, dripping with saliva. Merlin shot a blast of flame against its jaw and slowed time to step out of the way. It cried in pain and angrily roared at the warlock. Now, it swiped at him with a claw, catching the warlock's thigh as he tripped back. Merlin grunted but kept moving. He needed to find a way to pin it down. The lymocton slithered towards him viciously and bit at him again. Merlin sent another ball of fire into its side and slid back into a crouch. Looking up, he caught sight of a sharp hanging stalactite. He extended a hand towards it, and his eyes shined with blazing molten gold. With a twist of his wrist, the rock broke off, and he caught it. In a hurried panic, he yelled out the enchantment he used to aid Lancelot, "BREGDAN ANWEALD GAFELUEC!"

The stalactite glowed blue and hummed powerfully. THe lymocton charged once again, and Merlin shot the enchanted weapon into its chest. It slammed into the monster only a moment before its teeth closed around his extended arm. The stalactite impaled its chest and heart, and the force of it pinned the creature to the wall. It slumped limply. Dead.

Merlin cackled breathlessly at his success. He brushed the dust off of his breeches, only to hiss as the scrapes on his hands rubbed against the scratchy fabric and the gash on his leg. Merlin had defeated the creature relatively easily, but what excuse was he going to give Arthur this time? He couldn't use the good old, "You somehow did it while unconscious, sire."

He turned away from his fallen foe and back to the rock wall that he'd trapped the blond behind. Too late, Merlin realized Arthur had found the way out on his own. The king stood in the shadows, his form illuminated by the remains of Merlin's fiery blasts. He'd seen Merlin use magic. He'd seen everything.

Arthur looked like a ghost at the end of the dark tunnel. Momentarily, panic flared in Merlin's chest. His breath felt choked, and his instincts screamed at him to run. He was terrifyingly aware of the hand resting on the king's sword hilt. Arthur swayed quietly, and Merlin waited for his reaction, but then he saw Arthur's face and time froze.  
Arthur didn't look angry. He didn't even look surprised. Just exhausted. Hurt. Betrayed.

They stood in silence for a moment, their uneven breathing painfully loud like a blade on a rock. Arthur removed his hand from his sword and let it hang limply at his side. Still not a word said. This was not at all how Merlin imagined Arthur discovering his magic. He'd expected screaming, denial, anger, banishment. In the past, fleetingly even execution. But Arthur did nothing. Merlin stepped forward, his arms outstretched in a peaceful gesture. Arthur looked at his hands but didn't blink or step back.

"Arthur…" Merlin's voice felt rough and dry. Like an axe cutting through the thick tension. "Arthur, I'm so sorry…"

Arthur looked down at Merlin's feet. The servant stepped closer with all the hesitation of a guilty child.

"I only use it for you… to protect you…. I would never hurt you…"

Usually, Arthur would reply with a prattish, 'I'd like to see you try, Merlin.' But he didn't. He just nodded quietly.

"I-I… Magic can be good, Arthur, I swear it."

Merlin had finally got close enough to touch the king. He wrapped a hand around one of Arthur's wrists gently.

"My magic is for you… It's my destiny to watch over you."

It wasn't visible, but Merlin could feel the small shiver that ran through the king's body. Merlin lifted Arthur's chin with his fingertips to bring their eyes together. Complete and utter guilt consumed Merlin when he saw that Arthur was crying. The king didn't notice it, his expression carefully void of emotion, but tear tracks marred Arthur's cheeks. Arthur didn't cry. It was a rule the king had always obeyed, his motto. ‘No man is worth your tears.’

"I'm so sorry, Arthur -"

"We should head back to Camelot. It was irresponsible for me to have left the kingdom without proper preparations."

"I-I… what?"

"Unless you would prefer not to come with me?" There was no trace of humor or threat. As though asking if a guest would like more wine.

Merlin blinked in disbelief and tried to backtrack. Arthur was completely closed off and unrelentingly cold towards him. It felt like a sort of odd dream. The man looked like the Arthur he knew but acted like someone else entirely.

"What about the mission?" He tried, squeezing Arthur's wrist gently in his hand and brushing a loose blond hair out of his face. Arthur let him.

"There was no mission, Merlin. You were right, I didn’t know where we're going, I didn’t have a plan. I just wanted to spend time with you."

"Oh..." It was an admission, in a way. Something that would have made Merlin's heart warm and flutter. Merlin wanted to playfully suggest Arthur take him on a date. To watch the blond flush and mumble some excuse or insult. But it was wrong. This was all so wrong.

"I brought the bow and arrows" Arthur continued, his voice monotone and hollow, "I figured I could teach you how to shoot from a distance. Since you’re always hidden away in the trees when we get ambushed anyways."

"I'd like that..."

"However, that now appears to be unnecessary."

Merlin struggled to find the words that muddled on his tongue. 'I want you to teach me anyway. I want to spend time with you, too. It's not unnecessary, I know you were trying to do something good. You just wanted me to be helpful. You just wanted me to be safe. I'm sorry. I still want to be your friend. I still want you to want me. I still love you.' But instead, he only said, "Do you - will you….to Camelot? I want to go with you, Arthur…"

"Then come."

Arthur turned away from Merlin and walked to the cave entrance. He didn't even spare a glance back in the servant's direction. He just gestured for Merlin to move the rocks blocking their way out and started packing their supplies onto the horses.

Merlin wasn't sure what to do. Was Arthur angry? Was he going to be burned or beheaded after all? Had Arthur been offering him a chance to escape? After a moment of hesitation, Merlin nodded and raised his hands. He whispered a spell under his breath and pushed the rocks carefully away. It was still night, and the stars in the sky seemed impossibly bright and dense in the sky. A part of Merlin wondered if this was a nightmare. Or the calm before the storm.

Still, he followed his king.


	4. The Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'You try to hold me down so I became a soldier  
> Built up all theses walls and now I'm climbing over
> 
> You take me for a fool, that doesn't make me foolish  
> Told me I was wrong , passion made you ruthless  
> Manipulate, It's just too late. Oh lord! 'Cause I ain't going back no more
> 
> Your fueling of the flames gonna show you what I'm made of  
> Breakin' every chain that you put on me  
> You thought I wouldn't change but I grew on you  
> 'Cause I will never be what you wanted  
> This fire, this fire, is keeping me alive'
> 
> Keeping Me Alive by Jonathan Roy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of Arthur just processing everything. It's a bit of a mess sorry.  
> Also *Trigger Warning* lots of dark and self-deprecating thinking. This is a darker fic and will address abusive and manipulative topics later on!

Arthur couldn’t get enough air into his lungs for the life of him. With every step his horse took, another doubt rattled in his skull. Camelot was eons away, and Merlin’s nervous form suddenly felt foreign. It seemed like a great earthquake had slammed through his world, leaving it smashed and shifted, turned upside down. But also, everything now made sense...

 _'Of course.'_ Arthur's mind screamed at him, _'Of course!'_

He spiraled helplessly, the years and years of suppressed knowledge and suspicion all bubbling to the surface.

_'I let it happen. I should have known. How could I be so blind? Of course, Merlin betrayed me! He lied to me. It was all a lie -everything- and I - I knew Merlin was lying to me all this time - and I didn't even care. I ignored all of the signs because I just wanted so bad for it not to be true. Merlin's a sorcerer.'_

_'Warlock,'_ Arthur corrected himself. That's what Merlin called himself.

_'He's had magic this entire time. He acted as though he were an idiot but made me out to be a fool. He pretended that he was weak. Then he killed that creature with his mind. His hands blazed with fire, yet he felt no pain. I am weak. I should have known better. All this time... And that wasn’t Merlin’s only lie, was it?'_

_'Uther. For years I sought nothing but his approval. Even after everything that he did to me - No, don't think about that! -I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Why was he so angry with me? Why did he expect so much from me? But I did as he said anyway…. A part of me felt it was what I owed him for taking Ygraine away.'_ But then Arthur remembered Morgause and his mother's apparition. The tight web of lies began to unravel the more Arthur pulled at them. _'Uther killed my mother, didn't he? Merlin lied about that, too! He looked me in the face and told me Morgause lied. But she hadn’t because now it all fits!’_

If it were possible, that lie cut deeper than Merlin’s magic.

_‘I was right... Uther was a hypocrite and a liar! Blinded by his guilt and hatred, my father murdered hundreds. He blamed everyone but himself. Blamed magic. Blamed me. Magic wasn't evil. Uther had been selfish. He'd wanted an heir, and when he couldn't get one from Ygraine, he'd resorted to magic and infidelity. Be damned the consequences. And now, am I everything he had hoped for? No. I never was. I'd thought Uther was right when day after day, year after year, the only magic I saw was in the hands of my attackers. It was always a threat to me. Everyone with magic wanted me dead. And can I blame them? Was I worth all of the bloodshed and loss and violence my birth started? Uther hunted them like animals. He was a hypocrite and a liar. It was genocide. It was all for nothing. And it's my fault.'_

_'Then Morgana. Father had always loved her so much more than me, and I never understood why. She rebelled against him constantly. In the end, she was his flesh and blood, too. Why, when he had her, did he make me? She could have been a great queen. She was daring, passionate, and kind. And then she changed. It wasn't her fault, she had to hide, and she had to suffer alone. She suffocated in the tyrannical grasp of our father till she snapped. She was right about everything! And I can't even blame her for not trusting me. It was my fault. I was so stupid. So ignorant. And if I had been in her place, I wouldn't have trusted me either. But I loved her. I just want my sister back. I just want to apologise. But I can't. And even then, I don't deserve her forgiveness. She would have been incredible if she had just been given the chance. She could have been good. And it's my fault.’_

_‘And then Gaius. Of course, he knew Merlin had magic. Gaius himself had been the Court Sorcerer before the Purge. I never actually believed him when he said Merlin had gone to the tavern. The man had stitched my wounds, mended my broken bones, and calmed my fevers my entire life. He'd even given me the 'illegitimate children talk'. That was a tad unnecessary. And incredibly embarrassing. But he never complained about being woken to help me in the night. He cared for me when Uther had gotten violent after too much to drink - don't think about that.- After barely defeated assassins had tried to kill me in my sleep. Or even when I'd had too much wine as a boy and needed someone to watch me, so I didn't do something stupid. And he'd never said a word about it to anyone. I should have known my secrets were not the only ones he kept. But Gaius knows me better than almost anyone. If he thought I was untrustworthy, then he must be right. It's my fault.’_

_‘Gwen... I thought she could love me. She had looked at me so kindly and touched me so gently. She was strong and brave and cunning. What she ever saw in me, I can't imagine. I used to be so sure. Princesses and ladies threw themselves at me like wolves at prey. I didn't see it that way then, of course. I saw it as fawning and flirting. But now I see the hungry glint in their eyes and their dreams of being queen. And I realised it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with 'Prince Arthur'. It was a scheme and an act, and I couldn't pretend not to notice it anymore. I thought Gwen was different. She'd always been respectful to me, as was expected of her station, but never showered me with false flattery and lingering hands. I thought she could see me. But I wasn't what she wanted. Lancelot was everything I was and more, and I had always known that she loved him. She was unfaithful to me. She betrayed me for him. I tried to ignore it. She cannot help who she loves. I should have known better. And in the end, I could not love her in that manner either. My heart belongs to someone else, too. Someone I can not have. It's my fault.’_

_‘Lancelot had betrayed me once before. He posed as a nobleman to become a knight. (I easily forgave him for that. Without him, I would never have felt considered abolishing the First Rule). And then his affair with Gwen. It had hurt. Lancelot had been one of the few people I believed I could trust. But it was unavoidable. He only wanted to be with the one he loves. How can I fault him for that?’ ‘Others have betrayed me before. Deceived me. Boys I thought were my friends before overhearing them gossip and insult me. Council and nobles that tried to sway me for their political gain. Guards meant to protect me surrounding me or locking me in the dungeons. Servants sneaking into the kitchen to poison my food.’_

_‘But Merlin's betrayal hurt the most. I was so fucking stupid. I was a joke. And I don't even have the energy to feel condescended to. Because it's not even Merlin's fault. I am the son of his greatest enemy. What choice did he have? Trust me? When have I ever proved myself worthy of Merlin's trust? When I called him an idiot? Useless? Lazy, fool, buffoon, weakling, fool, coward? The irony. Or how about when I slaughtered the druids? When I murdered innocent children, women, and men? When I watched hundreds burn to death in the courtyard and did nothing to stop it? When I confessed to him my fear and hatred of magic? And the entire time, he had me completely unaware. He told me I felled the monsters and escaped the captors and killed the sorcerers. That I must have 'bumped my head' or 'fainted'. That he was looking for woodworm, at the tavern, herb picking for Gaius, stealing dresses and sausages, freeing prisoners, just happening to find a divine sword trapped in stone. And I believed him, and I played dumb because I prayed every day that Merlin was different, and this time it would be different, and he wouldn't...but he did.'_

_'The bruises, the limps, the wincing, the ridiculous excuses. I had thought he was being bullied or abused. I'd suspected perhaps a noble or a guard or a knight. I tried asking him, and when met with lies or jokes, I had gone looking for possible culprits. I had found some men raping the servant girls, stewards withholding pay, and other nefarious nobles abusing the staff. I'd been overwhelmed, something triggering a mad sort of rage in me, and I ruthlessly dealt with every one of them. Stripping them of their titles and lands, jailing them, and for one particularly violent case, who'd been guilty of murder, had them executed.'_

_'I'd even discovered that one of the cooks, Llyla, was abused by her husband. I quickly arranged for him to transfer to the household of a visiting lord. And for her to stay in Camelot. It was the most I could do discreetly. Somehow, it seemed like she knew I'd done it, though. Something about the way she smiled at me. But despite all of my investigations, I hadn’t found anything really involving Merlin. And I hadn’t told a soul about any of it either. I worried Merlin would only try to hide it more if he knew I was looking.'_

_“_ I was dying!”

“You don’t know half the things I do for you, Arthur.”

“I’ve saved your arse more times than I could count!”

"I thought we were friends?"

_'What a friend I am...'_

_'I could blame them. I could get angry and hurt them back. But that would just prove them all right. And after all, they were all good people once. They still are, except my father, who had gone mad long before Morgana left. I am the problem. There's no other explanation. It's my fault. Enough of this. I have to control myself. If it wasn’t good enough as just Arthur, then I won't be. Now I have to be the king.'_

King Pendragon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J


	5. The Ban on Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J

They rode back to Camelot in deafening silence.

Sometimes Merlin would try to talk... to explain... Arthur would just nod his head and say, "I know." and nothing else. He didn't chastise Merlin when the servant got his foot stuck in a stirrup. He didn't shoot any annoyed looks when Merlin said they should rest for the third time. And after Merlin got them water and food, Arthur let him check the wound without complaint. It was awkward and confusing. Arthur felt miles away from Merlin. He even let the warlock openly use healing spells to ward off infection in his leg. Eventually, he gave into Arthur's sudden muteness, and Merlin rode behind him until they reached the gates of Camelot.

The knights crowded around them, excited by their return. Leon grasped Arthur's forearm in greeting, and Gwaine laughed jovially about how hilariously anxious the castle had been when they didn't come back last night.

"We were about to send a search party for you, sire!"

"There was no need, Sir Leon. We are quite alright. Now, you'll have to excuse me. I'm afraid many matters need attending to since my absence."

"Won't you at least come out for a drink, Princess?" Gwaine slung an arm around the king's shoulder and winked at him, "The old coots and paperwork will still be there in the morning!"

"Not tonight," Arthur said with finality and broke apart from the group. He nodded his dismissal and walked towards the castle but gave no orders or duties to Merlin. The knights and servant stood dumbly with the horses, their eyes trained on the back of the king's retreating form. Gwaine turned to Merlin questioningly.

"What the hell was that about?" He asked, his voice laced with bemusement, "You two have a little lovers quarrel out in the woods?"

Leon shot the knight a look that clearly said, 'language' and rephrased the question, "Are you alright, Merlin? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Merlin suddenly felt surrounded, the fear from his magic's discovery still fresh, and he froze. Noticing his behavior, Gwaine reached out a hand to comfort him. Merlin flinched at the contact.

"I think I'm just gonna put the horses away and go to Gaius." He said apologetically before hurrying off towards the stables. He heard someone call after him, but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge it. The stable boys quickly took the horses off his hands, muttering about the thick layer of dust coating both of them. Taking Merlin's anxiousness as busyness, they shooed him off to finish his other duties. Instead, Merlin ran as fast as he could to the court physician's chambers.

Slamming the door shut behind himself, and startling poor Gaius, he slid to the floor and rubbed at his face with his hands. Gaius, who had dropped a vial when Merlin barged in, clucked his tongue and looked over to Merlin disapprovingly. "I'm sure Arthur couldn't have been that bad."

Merlin giggled a little bit at the unintentional irony of the comment and thumped his head back against the door. Gaius stepped away from his potions and walked towards Merlin curiously, "Are you quite alright, my boy?"

Merlin took in a deep breath and gestured wordlessly with his hands. Arthur. Knows. I. Have. Magic. Gaius sighed impatiently and kneeled next to his ward. He pulled over a chair to sit in and raised an eyebrow at the boy's antics. "You'll have to use your words, Merlin. I'm not quite sure what all that flailing means."

Finally, the warlock lifted his head and tears dripped unforgivingly down his face. Gaius's eyes widened at the sudden bout of emotions, and he pulled one of Merlin's shaking hands into his own. He soothed his nephew with hushed whispers and waited for him to talk. Eventually, as if forcefully pulled from his lips, Merlin spoke.

"Arthur knows I have magic, Gaius."

The physician stilled and looked fearfully towards the door as though guards were sure to march through it at any moment. He stood and pulled Merlin up with him, pacing in the small space between benches.

"Are you certain, Merlin?"

Merlin nodded jerkily and ran a trembling hand through his hair. "He saw me, Gaius. We got trapped. There was a monster. I tried to keep Arthur away, where I didn't think he could see me. I killed it. With magic. But he saw everything."

Gaius looked up sharply and let out a huff of air. He muttered to himself and sat down, only to stand right back up again. Trying to stay calm, Gaius used his best 'caring doctor' voice. "And then what, Merlin? What did he say? What did he do? How much time do we have?"

"He started crying..."

"Merlin..."

"He didn't yell at me. He didn't get angry or threaten me. He... he didn't say anything. He just asked me if I was coming back to Camelot with him or not. I don't know what he's going to do. H-he won't listen to me. He didn't ask for any explanation. I made him cry, Gaius. I know I should be scared, but I never imagined he'd react like that..." Merlin broke down, his body heaving with sobs. He choked on his words and hugged his arms against his chest. He felt so guilty and so anxious that he thought he might vomit.

"I-I convinced myself that it was because of Uther that I lied to him. Then Uther was gone, and I kept lying! I had excuses. I said Arthur wasn't ready... o-o-or that he was too against magic. Or because of the dragon. Or you. Or my mum. But... he didn't say anything about the magic. He let me use it to get us free and to heal his leg. He just - I... I don't know. Gods, he looked so hurt. I can't even - I don't know what to do - I... I don't know what to do! Sometimes he's such a rude stuck up arrogant prick, and other times he's so caring and brave and kind. He didn't say he if was going to hurt me but didn't say he wasn't either. I-I don't know how much time we have!"

Merlin bit at his fingernails and hiccuped weak cries into his hands. Gaius stood in shock at the messy confession that had poured out of his dear boy. He slowly opened his arms and softly pulled Merlin to his chest. Hugging the boy through his sobs, he gently ran his hands up and down his ward's back. They stood together in a lulling quiet and comforted each other. After perhaps a few moments or a few hours, the old and wise physician pulled back and whispered, "Perhaps you should go stay with Hunith. Just until things calm down. Arthur may still be processing. I must keep you safe, Merlin. You are the dearest thing in this world to me."

"I-I can't leave. I can't leave Arthur. I don't know what he's going to do, but I won't run from it... I can't hide anymore, Gaius."

Holding back his protests and worried thoughts, Gaius nodded and pulled Merlin back into his arms. "I will always be by your side, my boy."

"Thank you."

That night they both slept restlessly. Merlin waited for a week, with no word from the king. No one came to call him to his duties. On the eighth day, when he could take it no longer, Merlin dressed in his usual attire and prepared to go collect Arthur's dinner. Right before he could reach for his door, Gaius barged into his room, almost hitting him in the process.

"Merlin!" Gaius cried, his eyes wide and wrinkled hands shaking. He steadied himself against Merlin's shoulders, and with a watery smile he said:

"Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free."

Moments later, his head ringing with disbelief and joy, Merlin sprinted as fast as he could to the king's chambers.

_'Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free.''Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free.''Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free.''Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free.''Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free.''Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free.''Arthur has lifted the ban on magic. You are free.'_

"ARTHUR!"


	6. The Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'The pull on my flesh was just too strong  
> Stifled the choice and the air in my lungs  
> Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie  
> 'Cause when I open my body I breathe in a lie
> 
> And I will not speak of your sins  
> There was a way out for him  
> The mirror shows not  
> Your values are all shot
> 
> 'But oh, my heart was flawed  
> I knew my weakness  
> So hold my hand  
> Consign me not to darkness
> 
> So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down  
> I'll never wear your broken crown  
> I took the road and I fucked it all away  
> Now in this twilight, how dare you speak of grace?'
> 
> Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons

It had been a week since Arthur discovered Merlin's magic. On the eighth day, after endless feuding with the council and his advisors, Arthur lifted the ban on magic.

That morning, Arthur walked purposefully towards the dungeons. His boots clicked against the floors, and the keys on his hip jangled gently. Servants and knights alike stepped aside as he passed, sensing a strange type of power rolling off the blond in waves. They whispered as he walked by, "Have you heard the news?!" "What news?" "The king revoked the ban on magic!"

Arthur didn't stay to hear what they said next. Some people would rejoice at their freedom, and some would curse him for defying his father's laws. It wasn't going to be easy. He kept walking.

The prison-guards stood for him respectfully when he entered.

"Your majesty!" They said, bowing stiffly and shifting on their feet.

"You two have some sudden time off. Enjoy yourselves, men. Don't get too drunk at the tavern." Arthur replied in lieu of a greeting.

They looked at each other nervously but left without protest when he dismissed them. Arthur approached a cell and held out the key so tightly his knuckles went white. The torch in his hand flickered around the room before catching the figure sitting in the corner. The witch... She looked up at him slowly. In the light of the fire, the woman's gray hair shined gold, and her wrinkles seemed darker and bolder. She stood and languidly stepped towards the bars.

"A visit from the king himself. What an honor." Her gentle voice was laced with mirth. Arthur felt wrongfooted at her apparent lack of contempt for him.

"I am sorry for any harsh treatment you have received. That was not my intent." He'd noticed the bruises circling her frail wrists, likely from the iron cuffs used to chain her. She followed his gaze and rubbed at the marks sorely.

"Was it not? You are your father's son. What would he think, seeing you getting friendly with an 'evil sorceress' now?"

"I do not find you evil in the slightest. I heard you used magic to rid your granddaughter of a fever. That doesn't sound like the work of a villain. You had the power to save a child from suffering - despite the risk for yourself - and you saved her. I think you are brave."

"... You surprise me, child. Yet how am I to know this is not all a trick?" She looked up at him with piercing eyes and pursed lips. The king, once a prince she had seen grow up from a distance, held her stare and spoke gently.

"I don't believe magic is evil like Uther did. My father hunted sorcerers mercilessly, then used their every retaliation as evidence for his crusade. He was wrong. I was wrong as well." Just as the flames had illuminated her old age, they now displayed Arthur's sorrow. His face was gaunt and pale, his shoulders tightly held back, and his head bowed forward to press against the prison bars. When the witch stayed silent, he insisted, "I've also heard you were once a great sorceress of Camelot. That you have the ability to always know deceit from truth. Or is that simply a rumor?"

"No, young king. I see your honesty as clearly as I see your sadness. Your worry. What troubles you?"

She seemed to be concerned for him. The paradox he found himself in, the king questioned by the prisoner, was so absurd Arthur felt close to laughter. The witch, Edith, he recalled, hummed in response to his muteness. He huffed out a breathy chuckle and smiled apologetically.

"This morning, I repealed the ban on magic. You are free to leave. This madness has gone on for far too long. I was too cowardly to see that before. I'm truly sorry."

Edith sucked in a sharp breath and backed away from the bars. She looked at Arthur with wide brown eyes, his honesty chiming in her chest, and brought a hand to her mouth. Arthur pressed the key into the lock and clicked it open. The witch stepped towards him cautiously and grinned gladly when the cell door swung open. Arthur moved aside for her, removing her cuffs and watching as she closed the door behind herself. Edith turned to him and tutted at the expression on his face.

"...So you've come to free me. I've always had faith that you would fulfill your destiny... even though some called me mad for believing in the Once and Future King. I can tell you do this out of remorse, my lord. But there is something else you desire, isn't there?"

The familiarity of her words struck Arthur... 'the Once and Future King.' A curiosity of her meaning clawed at his conscience. Instead, Arthur raised his head and admitted his request."I want to know when I am being betrayed, as you do. I want to know the truth behind all the lies. Is that possible?"

There it was. Edith smiled understandingly. The pursuit of truth was an admirable quest, but was there more to it? She weighed the risks, with freedom so close, but if she refused would he lock her away again? She wanted to believe him, to accept that the persecution of her peers was finally over... But if she misjudged him, if her magic failed her, then her family would be at risk.

"Anything is possible with magic, sire. You are a child of magic... your gifts hide just below the surface even after all these years. It would not be difficult. But I worry, am I simply a means to an end? Do you wish to use magic for yourself, only to condemn it if it doesn't act in your favour? As your father did?"

"No! I only wish to protect my people... I have been lied to and manipulated my entire life. It has only led to bloodshed. I can't risk it happening again. Camelot can not withstand any more games or tyranny."

"And if I refuse? Then you will keep me here? Never release me? Kill me?"

Arthur slumped defeatedly, too tired to summon the anger and pride that fueled him for so many years. He shook his head and backed away from Edith, gesturing towards the stairwell back to the castle."...No. I will still let you go. I won't force you. I simply ask. It is your choice."

The king and the old witch stood in a stalemate. Edith considered his request, gazing with such intensity that Arthur felt he might burst into flames. He swayed impatiently as she thought. She had nothing to gain from aiding him, and she was right about his family's reputation...about how Uther had repaid Nimueh's generosity. Perhaps it was a selfish desire, petulant like a child scorned. But Arthur was right... he was easily misguided. If another were to come and use Arthur's trust to harm Camelot, Edith would be right back where she started. Finally, as the king's torch began to flicker and die, the old woman relented.

"Be aware, your majesty, that truth often brings pain as well. Are you certain this is what you want?"

"Yes," Arthur said. Edith’s magic ebbed and found the king was honest. ‘Truth’ is hummed. Edith nodded and raised a glowing hand.

"Very well. When you have questions, come find me."

And within seconds, thousands of whispers and memories flooded Arthur's mind. Every lie ever spoken to him smashed apart, and the truth revealed itself. Even as the voices of dozens roared at him - Uther, Morgana, Gwen, Lancelot, Gaius, Gwaine, Leon, George, servants, noblemen, ladies, kings - Merlin's voice rang loudly above the rest.

"I know I'm just a servant, and my word doesn't count for anything. But I wouldn't lie to you."

Now, back to the present, Merlin panted as he slid to a full stop outside Arthur's chambers. Merlin never knocked before so he didn't bother knocking now, and he threw open the doors. Immediately, his overwhelming joy was replaced with horror.

It looked as though a bull had been let loose in Arthur's quarters. The room was in tatters... torn to pieces. Papers, ink, books, and clothing strewn across the floors. The doors of the cabinets and dressers either swung open crookedly or lay broken into splinters. The changing screen had holes punched into it. Dark wine spilled across the table and dripped quietly onto the floor, and the goblets had dents from being thrown into the stone walls. The chairs were now miscellaneous chunks of wood. The pillows were ripped and spilling. Merlin's jaw dropped, and he stared at the chaos. It took him a moment to see the king was also in the room. Arthur was quietly bent over a document, scribbling furiously. He looked wildly out of place... so calm amid the chaos. One might think he'd simply stumbled into the room if it weren't for the wine stains and debris that clung to his clothes. His still focus in sharp contrast with the evidence of earlier violence. He didn't seem to notice the stunned manservant.

Breathless, Merlin whispered, ".... Sire?"

The king did not respond. He dipped his pen into a puddle of spilled ink on the desk and kept writing. The hand curled around the quill was bloody and bruised.

"... Arthur…. what happened?!"

Finally acknowledging his guest, the blond looked up and surveyed the room. He shrugged, "I let off some steam that's all."

"W-what?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J


	7. The Break Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I still look at you with eyes that want you  
> When you move, you make my oceans move, too  
> If I hear my name, I will run your way
> 
> Can we say that we love each other?  
> Can we play like there ain't no other?  
> If I hear my name, I will run your way
> 
> It's my desire that you feed  
> You know just what I need  
> You got power, you got power  
> You got power over me'
> 
> Power by Isak Danielson

Months ago, when he was first crowned king, Arthur had decided to promote Merlin. Honestly, Arthur had meant to do it a long time ago. He had written out the decrees of nobility and wondered what Merlin would like most. Land? Money? Titles?

 _'Maybe if I worked with Merlin and taught him to use a sword, or perhaps a bow, I could make him a knight? The servant charged headfirst into danger as it is. He could at least wear some armour and swing a sword while doing it.'_ Arthur reflected with amusement. He had tried to ask Merlin a few times, too.

“Now, tell me, Merlin... if you could have anything your little heart desires, what would you want?”

“Oh, so now you care about what I want, eh?” Merlin teased, lifting an eyebrow in a fashion increasingly similar to the old physicians. He milled around Arthur’s room, clearing the dinner plates and munching on the leftovers. Ever since the sausage incident, Arthur had always left a few pieces of each portion, sometimes even half of the plate untouched. If Merlin noticed, he hadn’t said anything about it. He just popped a piece of roast chicken into his mouth and barely avoided knocking over the wine. Again. “I’ll alert Gaius! You might be coming down with something. I’ve heard of this before... I believe it’s called feelings, sire.”

“I did not say that! I’m just wondering if you have any ambitions besides cleaning my boots?”

“Ambitions?” Merlin paused and glanced up at Arthur, who was leaning against his bedpost in faux carelessness.

“I don’t know, Merlin! Most men want riches, or land, or power. Fame and fortune. Love, victory, health. Immortality.”

“Well, I’m not most men.”

 _'Of course, you’re not, Merlin,'_ Arthur thought, _'that’s why it’s so bloody hard to think of something to give you.'_

“I know that!” The blond sputtered indignantly, "I’m just wondering. I’m bored, that’s all. I need some entertainment, or my brain is going to melt out of my ears.”

“What brain?” Merlin jested, clearly taken aback by the personal nature of the conversation. When Arthur refused to take the bait, he sighed and resumed stacking the plates. "I want peace. I want those I care about safe and healthy. I want…”

“...Yes?”

“Well, a day off now and then wouldn’t hurt!” And with a wink and a dramatic sigh, the sliver of honest openness Arthur had drawn from Merlin slipped away.

“You would live as a servant the rest of your life? Seems awfully boring. What else?” At this point, Merlin could say he wished to be the king, and Arthur would step down for him. _‘Well maybe not that,’_ Arthur corrected, _‘Just something to make this guilt go away.’_

“Oh, you never let me get bored, do you? I have to save your arse weekly!”

“You would serve me for the rest of your life?” This time Arthur couldn’t join in on the game.

“Well, who else would hire me? Apparently, I’m the worst manservant in all the Five Kingdoms.”

“Merlin -”

“What about you, Arthur? What do you want?”

Arthur hadn’t known what to say. There were lots of things he wanted but nothing he could confess. So he called Merlin a 'girl’s petticoat', threw a pillow at him, and told him to 'go help Gaius or something if you're so eager to be of service.' Merlin had laughed but hesitated at the door.

“I’m happy to be your servant till the day I die, Arthur. You are my destiny.”

And then he’d closed the door softly, and had Arthur held his breath as the sound of Merlin’s footsteps faded. It was times like this that the king felt like he was drowning. A nagging thought pressed against the back of his mind. Frustrated, Arthur poured himself a glass of wine and drained it, trying to relieve the pressure.

So he and Merlin had stayed the same. Arthur kept up the persona of the rude royal, and Merlin played along as the bumbling servant. It was comfortable, and it was safe. And it was unchanging, unlike everything else in Arthur’s life. He knew it was less than Merlin deserved, and he hated it, but he didn’t do anything about it. He was too scared of change.

Now, Merlin stood frozen in the doorway of Arthur's chambers. The warlock looked like a startled newborn fawn, his eyes round like saucers and his arms gesturing shakily to the mess. Arthur tried to feel guilty for the poor servant who'd have to clean it up later. Part of him hoped that they wouldn't. That they'd leave his room like this, so he had tangible evidence of his power and strength. But it still didn't feel like enough. All of the anger that boiled in him as he learned more and more secrets was overwhelming. Ygraine, The Great Dragon, Morgana, Will, Balinor, Excalibur, Uther, Freya, the Sidhe, the Griffin... Everything that happened around him... Things he'd been unaware of for years, his entire life even. But when he raised his head to look at Merlin, who kept more secrets than anyone, he couldn't convince himself to admit it. He wouldn't tell Merlin about Edith. Now, Arthur had a secret to keep. He had a power over everyone else, and they didn't even know it.

"I no longer require your services, Merlin."

"You what?" Merlin looked terrified. _'Perhaps he still thinks I am going to kill him._..'

"You are dismissed. Gauis will now be your sole employer. I would like you to study your magic with him as much as possible. I'll meet with Geoffrey soon to discuss more magic books for you. And I'm proposing a new position to the council tonight. You will be able to utilize your skills more there than you could as my servant." Hopefully, that would ease Merlin's worries.

"But… I've always been your servant…" Merlin shook out of his stupor and tried to follow Arthur's thinking. Was this a promotion? If Arthur was saying what Merlin thought he was.... then he wanted Merlin to be his Court Sorcerer. To train under Gaius, who once held the position himself. It should fill Merlin with joy. He was finally being recognized. But somehow, it felt like a punishment.

"I no longer require a manservant. If you need anything for your apprenticeship please feel free to let me know at a later time. I have a meeting to attend to. Excuse me."

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere! It's been a week without a single word from you. Then I hear - from Gaius, not you, I might add! -that you've lifted the ban on magic? And when I come to thank you, I find your room looking like a bloody tornado went through it. We have to talk about this! You… this room is… it's destroyed! You don't think this is any cause for concern? You don't think it's a little important?"

Arthur hummed stiffly. As Merlin got closer he saw more of the physical damage done to the king. His hands were swelling, and surely he'd broken knuckles. Merlin reached out gently, and Arthur's grip loosened from the quill. His palms were bloody from crescent-shaped cuts, his fingers swollen and red. How Arthur was even moving them was a mystery and likely causing even more damage. "Arthur, your hands! We have to get you to Gaius! I could fix your leg, but I can't set broken bones. They'll heal wrong..."

"That's precisely why you should commit to your studies. I will visit Gaius after this meeting. You should leave, Merlin." Arthur shook his head and snatched his hand away. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not! Arthur, what are you doing?! What is going on? You're not acting like yourself. Is this because of my magic? Do you no longer trust me? I only use my magic for you, I swear it." A little voice, the gift from kind Edith, whispered to Arthur. _'True.'_ Merlin wasn't lying.

"Yes, well, I believe we can both agree that your talents would be better suited to healing the weak and injured. Not scrubbing floors and polishing armour. For you to continue as merely a servant would be a waste."

"Merely a servant?!" Merlin was positively fuming now. He ran a hand through his hair and grimaced frustratedly. This was all wrong. He'd been so relieved when he heard the news: The ban on magic was lifted. But a thick shell of coldness and distrust still encased Arthur.

"If you would prefer another position or a recommendation for transfer, that is also an offer..." Arthur tried weakly. He didn't understand what Merlin was so upset about. He was trying to be respectful... to right his wrongs. But it felt like every word he said only infuriated the warlock more.

"Stop talking to me like that! I don't want another position! I don't want to be sent away! I'm sorry I lied to you, alright? I thought you forgave me. That you believed magic is good!"

"I also believe that your magic was meant for more than the chores of a manservant. Whatever you want, you may have it. Perhaps a job does not suit you... you have wasted many years looking after me already. Would you prefer an estate? To go home to Ealdor?"

"Stop talking to me like that!"

"Like what, Merlin?!"

"LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME ANYMORE!"

Arthur halted midstep and turned away from Merlin. He looked out his window to the knights' courtyard. It was true, he supposed. He didn't really know Merlin. He knew the clumsy servant boy, the character Merlin had presented for him. But now, knowing everything Merlin had done, both good and bad... It was hard to imagine that Emrys, the powerful man Merlin was supposed to be, was the same person as his faithful servant and trusted confidant. Merlin had done so much for him, suffered for him, killed for him. He should be grateful -and he was - but Merlin had also used him. He'd lied to him every day for years. Merlin told Arthur what Morgause said of Uther and Ygraine was untrue. He'd taken away Arthur's free will. Merlin had betrayed him.

"...Like you've forgotten our years together. Like you've forgotten everything we've been through. Like you don't even remember who I am, how to bicker with me, or how to be honest with me! Why won't you just talk to me, you fucking prat?!"

"... I appreciate everything you've done for me, Merlin. Truly, I do. I'm certain there are still many things I am oblivious to. I apologize for being unable to grasp the lengths to which you have gone for me. You are not to blame. However, I can not in good conscience allow you to waste your gifts as my servant. So when you have come to a decision, be sure to inform me." Arthur spun on his heel and marched past Merlin to the doors. He sighed, and his hand that reached for the handle floated uselessly in the air. "I believe you, Merlin. I've had my doubts about magic for many years now. You know that. And yet you lied to me..."

"YES, I LIED. I'M A LIAR. So do you hate me? Is that it? Do you want me to apologise?"

"No-"

"Well, I'm sorry! I'M SO FUCKING SORRY, ARTHUR! I didn't want to lie to you. I wanted to tell you. I swear I did. I was just scared... and I was selfish. I told myself I lied because I didn't want to make you choose between me and your father. That I would tell you when you became king. But then it had just been so long, and I was afraid to lose you. And everyone told me to lie to you because destiny was too important and you couldn't know yet. I know it was cruel... I feel so guilty, and you just won't look at me. You won't talk to me. I just want everything to go back to the way it was! I shouldn't have lied to you! I'm sorry." Merlin's voice cracked, and a tear slipped from his eye before he could stop it.

The two men stood, like ancient stone statues, unable to face one another. Arthur steeled himself and twisted to look at the warlock tiredly. Merlin bit at his bottom lip and searched Arthur's eyes for a spark of something recognizable. Suddenly, Arthur's face hardened. He stalked back to his desk and reached into the bottom drawer. Merlin heard a faint click. A secret drawer... Arthur let out a wounded laugh, a choked hysterical giggle, and pulled out a thick and messy stack of papers. He threw them towards Merlin and up into the air, letting them float around the room.

"Is this what you wanted, Merlin?" The warlock snatched a paper out of the air and flipped it around to read the messy scrawling. He froze, and his breath caught at the title.

To Dissolve the Ban on Magic

Draft No. 62

Merlin struggled to read the rest of the page, but it was covered in some sort of spilled ink. The date made the deep pit in Merlin's stomach feel even heavier. It was from three years ago. Arthur had wanted to dissolve the ban this entire time? Merlin stared at the frankly overwhelming number of parchment pages that covered the room.

"I came so close to repealing the ban, Merlin. It was at the forefront of my mind almost every day."

"I- really?"

"I didn't say anything because I didn't want to upset you. Not after you relatedly told me of your opinion on magic. That it was evil. Remember?'' Arthur's eyes bored into Merlin's, and despite himself, Merlin became defensive.

"I was just doing what I thought was best…"

"For who, Merlin? Certainly not for yourself. Or were you just that determined to make yourself the most unlikely suspect for sorcery? Your commitment is extraordinary."

"No, for you Arthur. I didn't think you were ready…" Did Arthur not understand how much Merlin had suffered? Everything he'd lost? Did Arthur think so lowly of him?

"I wasn't ready? So what was your plan, Merlin? Never tell me anything? Feed into all of my doubts and all of Uther's teachings? Then sit back and just wait for me to figure it out on my own?"

"The dragon-'' Merlin cut himself off, catching his mistake. 

"The dragon you released on my city? That killed dozens of my people? Innocent people? That dragon? Kilgharrah?"

"How did you -" Merlin stiffened, and he felt his heart pound painfully against his ribs. How could Arthur know that? Merlin had only told Gaius, and the old physician would never tell a soul.

"I turned to you for guidance because you were the one person I thought I could trust."

"You can trust me!" "You just wanted to use me, didn't you? To accomplish your destiny? To become more powerful. What do you want from me, Merlin? I don't understand you! Was I just a pawn in your game?-"

"No, I was protecting you, you ungrateful idiot!"

That seemed to trigger something in Arthur's mind. Suddenly, his angry and hurt expression was replaced by a calm and blank face. Merlin reeled and stuttered under the sudden distance and coldness.

"You're right, I apologise. It wasn't your fault, Merlin. You were doing what you thought was right. You couldn't trust me, and I'm sorry for that. I'll find some way to make it up to you."

"What? No, wait! I didn't mean that. What is this? 'It's not you, it's me?' That's not like you, Arthur!" Merlin's voice was hoarse and thick, quieter now, "Call me a traitor or yell at me or throw something or threaten me with the stocks! Just give me something! Are you firing me or breaking up with me, you big girl?"

 _'Just a little smile…'_ Merlin prayed. _'A retort. Embarrassment. An insult.'_ But still nothing.

"I'm still here, Arthur. I didn't leave you. I don't want to leave you. I don't understand."

Merlin stared at this odd version of Arthur. The blond man looked away uncomfortably and pulled open the door. "I really must go. There is still a dispute in court surrounding the repeal of the ban on magic. I am required. Goodbye, Merlin."

He wasn't even saying Merlin's name right. Not in the drawing tone, not with the first syllable exaggerated annoyingly. Merlin couldn't find any more words to say as he watched his best friend and king walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J


	8. The Servant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone reading this!  
> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J

Merlin stood alone in Arthur’s chambers. Time ticked by, and Merlin groaned disappointedly. That had gone horribly. That had gone so horribly Merlin thought he ought to win a medal for it.

Merlin sighed and began picking up the pieces of debris that littered Arthur's chambers. There was no use in going after the king. What more could he say?

Nervously remembering that he could use magic openly now, the warlock waved a hand, and the broken furniture mended itself. The wine stains drained from the pillows and papers. It still seemed like a sort of alternate reality, similar to his own but just different enough to be alarming. Still, in disbelief, Merlin figured out a way to fix the privacy screen after some meddling, too. Not that Arthur used it much, too accustomed to waltzing around his room bare as the day he was born. Merlin shook his head fondly, faintly remembering Arthur berating him for letting Gwen in the room while he was changing. Merlin remembered no such thing, but it seemed to greatly embarrass the king, so the warlock had teased him about it for days.

When he finished repairing the room, he looked around for something else to do. Perhaps boots to shine or sheets to wash. It was rather jarring to be unable to find anything. His magic had gotten away from him, and now the floors were still slightly damp from scrubbing, all of Arthur’s clothes neatly put away and folded, the fireplace swept, and even the pillows were fluffed. If he'd been able to use magic freely before, he would have been a better servant than even George! But still, there was nothing for Merlin to do. And he wasn't a servant anymore. He wasn't sure what he was exactly. But he wasn’t needed here, and he couldn't do anything to prove otherwise.

Magic aside, Merlin was an absolutely terrible servant. He’d improved over the years but only in the way that you improve from repetition. Not because he'd actually meant to. Most times, he was too busy trying to keep Arthur alive and not die himself. Now he could put on and remove Arthur’s armor blindfolded, but he still wasn’t quite sure where to put the ceremonial kingly attire. He’d stuffed it in an unused chest and forgotten about it. Arthur had chuckled and shaken his head. Called Merlin an idiot, too. But that was it. Honestly, the worst of it was the stocks, and that hadn’t happened in years…

Any other master would've, at the very least, fired Merlin within a week. For some reason, Arthur hadn’t. Despite the fact his baths and food were more often cold rather than hot, his room covered in a thin layer of dust, the fireplace layered with ashes, and his clothes put in random places… Arthur didn’t do anything about it.

He’d complain, of course:

“Merlin, how has my food managed to become cold as ice during the simple journey from the kitchens to my chambers? And you decided to snag some for yourself as well I see. I should have known letting you off with the damned sausages would create a monster.”

 _'Ice was an exaggeration. I may or may not have taken a little detour to the dungeons. And maybe gave away some chicken. And ham. And potatoes. And I hadn’t even tried to hide it.'_ Merlin thought to himself.

“Would you like me to fetch you another plate, sire?”

“....No. It’s fine. You came an hour late so Llyla should be headed home by now anyways…” Merlin had nodded and poured some wine. He didn’t ask how Arthur knew which cook was working tonight. Or comment that Llyna was still in the kitchens, probably working on dough for tomorrow's bread. Which Arthur likely knew, too. And Merlin definitely said nothing about the reserved chicken and mash Arthur left on the plate for him, even though some had been missing when he brought it up in the first place.

Or

“Merlin, this water is freezing, you idiot!” Arthur screeched. In a manly manner, of course.

“Would you like me to fetch another bath, sire?” Merlin sighed, looking tiredly at the basin. He could see Arthur watching him behind his displeased expression.

“No, Merlin…. I’m exhausted. I’m not waiting another two hours, or however long it will take, for you to just get more undoubtedly cold water. It’s fine it’ll help relax muscles or whatever Gaius says.”

“It helps with injury inflammation, prat. And fine, but don’t complain to me when you get chilly.” “I will complain as much as I see fit! It’s your own damn fault you can’t just fetch hot water the first time.” Arthur groaned through clenched teeth as he dipped a toe into the water. He made a face reminiscent of a guilty man in court, all dread and trepidation.

“Oh, so to the stocks I go then, huh?” Merlin teased, turning to fold some clothing while Arthur dropped his towel and climbed into the tub.

“Don’t push your luck. Now for the love of all things holy…. Shut up, Merlin.”

Merlin laughed and threw a bar of soap behind himself, smiling when he heard it whack against Arthur’s skin and the royal’s returning chuckle. Arthur's teeth chattered for a solid fifteen minutes, and he glared daggers at Merlin. Next time, Merlin made sure to heat the water while the king was distracted. Arthur made a happy little moan and emerged himself completely, the water splashing out of the tub and onto the floor. Merlin complained, and Arthur laughed at him. It was peaceful.

Or

“I would be able to dress just fine if my shirts had been hung and my pants folded instead of the other way around. I can’t find a bloody thing, it's so disorganized!”

Merlin had doubled over and wheezed behind a closed fist upon the glorious sight he was met with that morning. Arthur had his breeches on backward, his shirt far too small, and his shoes on the wrong feet. At this point, the only explanation Merlin could accept was that Arthur did this for comedic purposes. The king had dressed himself just fine on several occasions in the past. This whole joke had started when Merlin commented that perhaps Arthur didn’t need his help dressing anymore, now that he figured it out. Arthur had agreed, and then the next morning Merlin found him with his arms trapped in his shirt and a hole in his breeches.

“Well, it looks like you found everything just fine. You just weren’t sure what to do after that…”

“That’s absolute nonsense!”

“Right. Of course, sire. Now let’s see if I can fix this…” After some wrestling and rummaging in the wardrobe, Arthur had looked less like a court jester and more like a royal again. Once Arthur had checked his reflection in the mirror and when it met his standards, he’d sat down and started on breakfast. Then he’d thrown an apple at Merlin's head. Clotpole.

It was moments like those Merlin hadn't realised he would miss. The friendship, the banter, the easy push and pull between the two of them. Yes, Arthur had made mistakes. He'd humiliated Merlin on occasion. Ridiculed him. Killed Freya. Failed horribly to comfort Merlin when he lost Will and Balinor. But it was never out of cruel intentions. He'd tried his best. He noticed Merlin's sadness when no one else did. Made him smile even on the worst days. Neither one of them was perfect, but they always tried to be good.

Determined to continue the conversation when Arthur got back, Merlin pulled out a chair and waited for his king's return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to leave kudos and comments!  
> Lots of love,  
> J


	9. The Ambassador

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'When I was a child, I heard voices  
> Some would sing and some would scream  
> You soon find you have few choices  
> I learned the voices died with me
> 
> When I was a child, I'd sit for hours  
> Staring into open flame  
> Something in it had a power  
> Could barely tear my eyes away
> 
> All you have is your fire  
> And the place you need to reach  
> Don't you ever tame your demons  
> But always keep 'em on a leash'
> 
> Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier

Merlin stretched lazily and turned to his side. Blinking awake slowly, he suddenly realised he was no longer sitting at Arthur's table. Oh, he was in Arthur's bed! Merlin sat up quickly and took in his surroundings. Sun rays were peaking through Arthur's curtains, and the blanket that had been draped over him was soft and warm. Arthur must have found him last night... and instead of waking him... tucked Merlin into his bed? Merlin blushed at the thought of it and quickly slid off the mattress. Trying not to get too caught up in his thoughts, he swiftly put on his boots and ran off to the hall. Surely, Arthur would be there!

Merlin arrived just as the council meeting ended. He tried to get Arthur's attention, but he was pushed to the side with the servants as they hurried out to the halls. Before Merlin could reach Arthur, a knight hurried into the throne room and handed him a scroll. Stepping closer, he heard the knight mutter something about a visitor. Arthur nodded, and Merlin saw a tall thin man in an odd outfit approach and bow to the king.

“King Arthur Pendragon of Camelot. It is an honor to meet you.”

“The honor is all mine, Ambassador Haldorwin of Bennet. Please, call me Pendragon. There is no need for such formalities with a friend.”

Pendragon? Arthur had never introduced himself by his last name in all the time Merlin had known him. And this strange man was most definitely not Arthur's friend. Merlin sent questioning glances to the people around him, catching Gwaine, Leon, and Percival in the crowd. They shrugged at him. It seemed odd to them as well.

“You are infamous in these lands, I must say. The tales the bards tell of you tend to be a little hard to believe!”

“Is that so? You must introduce me to these men so I may set the stories straight.” Arthur joked. His body seemed relaxed, and he carried himself with cold and mature confidence. It reminded Merlin eerily of Uther, and he banished the thought quickly.

“They speak of the Great King and his Knights of the Round Table. Knights that come from every corner of the world and serve Camelot, whether of noble blood or not.”

The knights prickled at Haldorwin's patronizing tone. Arthur raised a brow at them but paid no mind to the ambassador's attitude. “Every corner of the world is an exaggeration. But yes, I knight those I find worthy in their hearts and minds, not just their blood.”

“There are even rumors of …. women?”

“Yes, some of my knights are female. Admittedly, it took me longer to open up to that idea. But I have personally met and fought with many courageous women. To deny them knighthood based on their sex would be to deny my kingdom of half its greatest warriors.”

“I see.” Haldorwin clearly did not 'see' or agree with Arthur in the slightest. He lifted his nose scornfully and raised an eyebrow as though to say, 'how barbaric!'

“I could introduce you to some knights later this evening. Sir Percival and Dame Gabriella often train together. Although, Gabriella prefers the title Sir as well.”

“Perhaps, however, I believe you are aware of the true reason for this meeting. Aside from your irregular choice in military, sire.”

Arthur chuckled and clasped his hands behind his back. It seemed this man had no shortage of condescension for the way Arthur chose to rule. “Yes, you would like to address your queen's concerns surrounding Camelot’s new laws.”  
“More so the lack of them, Pendragon.”

“What of it distresses you? That I have dissolved the ban on magic? I believe that it was prejudiced and violent. It resulted in the deaths of hundreds. I have no need for it in my kingdom.”

“So you will let criminals run loose amongst your people... simply because you are afraid of getting your hands dirty?”  
Arthur stilled and stared at Haldorwin. The blatant rudeness was a clear sign of disrespect. Such behavior wouldn't have been tolerated in Uther's court, and Arthur recognized it as a challenge to his authority. An assessment for Haldorwin to report back to his queen. They were testing him for weakness, a young king, in hopes of exploiting them.

“I protect innocents from unjust punishment. People who use their magic for harm, murder, and manipulation are another story. They will be judged for those crimes as any man or woman without magic would be. Do not forget yourself. Those with magic in my lands are still my people. They are not my enemies, they are my subjects, and I must serve them as such.”

“Your father would never have allowed such leniency," the ambassador snapped. "It is reckless and immoral. You are but a child meddling with things you do not yet understand. Magic is corrupt. It causes plagues, drought, famine, and disaster!"

“Magic does not corrupt people. Fear does. Power does. Perhaps you are right to fear those with such immense power to cause what you have described. However, that is not the majority. Many can at most light a candle, mend a broken bone, or calm a fever. Magic has existed far longer than man has. If they all wanted us dead, if they had that power, then we simply would be. Hundreds were slaughtered by my father. Do you truly believe they would have allowed that to happen if they had the choice?”

Merlin gasped and the intelligent declaration echoed through the stunned throne room. Arthur twisted towards Haldorwin, his body tense like a hunting predator. The man stuttered under the scrutiny. Knights and servants began to whisper amongst themselves, and Merlin strained to see past their bobbing heads.

“You were not there before the ban. You do not have the wisdom nor the experience to know what you are doing. You will only bring suffering to your people. Camelot will collapse, and you will just be a foolish boy with no kingdom to rule and no allies. Have you no sense?!”

“You fear what you do not understand... what you can not control. It is human nature, and I can empathize with such. But I don’t think that is the entirety of it. Are you simply afraid that without fear of consequence your people will defy you? Do you desire respect, power, and money simply from the oppression of others?”

“You watch your mouth, boy!”

The knights reached for their swords and stepped forward. "This is ridiculous," Gwaine growled, "He was invited to Arthur's home in return acts like a stuck-up bloody cad -"

Arthur raised his hand to halt his knights. They resheathed their weapons and stepped back confusedly. Arthur smiled ferally at Haldorwin, “I think it would be wise for you to do the same. We wouldn’t want to start a silly feud over unkind words would we?”

“A Camelot with magic is no ally to us. Perhaps we already wish to dissolve our treaties.”

It was a lie. Arthur felt the magic in his veins flex and pulse powerfully. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie.

“You see, I don’t think you do,” Arthur replied coolly. He was in his element now. He could hear the whispers of Haldorwin's secrets, all the thoughts he wished to keep hidden from the king.

“And why is that, young Pendragon?” Haldorwin scoffed, a perfect opening for Arthur's mortal blow.

“Because you need me much more than I need you. It would be inconvenient for Camelot to lose your trade and support, but for Bennet, it would be detrimental. I hope you are aware of your kingdom’s debt to mine. At minimum, my farmers supply your kingdom with grains and my artisans with your merchant’s trinkets…. for which you still owe quite a hefty reimbursement. And my ‘irregular military’, as you put it, is currently the strongest fighting force in Albion. I assure you, the bards did not exaggerate that. My support is the only thing preventing the kingdom to your south from declaring war on you. Now, to suddenly be at war with both your neighboring kingdoms would be rather unfortunate. Your lands are infertile, and your queen is poor. We would conquer you in less than a year. Do you think only magic causes famine, bloodshed, and disaster? I regret to inform you that I hold the same power within a scribble of my pen and a swing of my sword. I will not hesitate. Choose wisely, Haldorwin.”

Every single jaw in that throne room dropped. Arthur now sat poised on his throne, his blue eyes cold and piercing. He tilted his head almost tauntingly at the ambassador's sickly white pallor and shaking form. Merlin and the knights stared at their king with awe and shock. Arthur was always cunning in battle, a strategist in times of crisis. But he'd never gone so far as to unleash it in common discussion. It became clear very quickly that he was a dangerous man. A battle-hardened warrior. A fearsome king.

“Your Majesty, I meant no disrespect-”

“You did mean disrespect." Arthur interrupted. His light and mocking voice seemed detached from his intimidating stature, "I’m glad to see you now reminded of my title. You see calling me ‘boy’, ‘fool’, ‘child’, and ‘coward’ was a remarkable misstep on your part. I offered you the name Pendragon. From now on you will only refer to me as ‘my King.’”

“Y-y-yes, my king. My deepest apologies.”

“You were correct to spot the differences between myself and my predecessor. Yes, I am a young king, and I don’t know what kind of king I will be, but I do have a sense of the kind of Camelot I wish to live in. One of equality and justice." The familiar words rang back to Merlin. Arthur shifted and laced his hands under his jaw. "However, I am still the son of the Mad King of Camelot. Uther was not known for his patience, and neither am I. And I am not ‘afraid of getting my hands dirty’. It’s only goodwill keeping me from sending your very head back to your queen. Be grateful you face me and not Uther, for he had no such conscience. Your queen was imprudent to send you... to test me. I expect her apologies for your insolence. Remember, I am necessary. You are just a messenger bird with an inflated ego. So, be smarter than to threaten me. I assure you that I do bite. However, I seek peace rather than victory. Now, I hope this has cleared up what you were concerned about.”

“Yes, my king!”

“Good. Do feel free to stay for dinner, and be sure to send my good wishes to your lovely queen. I can't seem to remember her name. What was it again? I must go observe my new knights if you would like to accompany me.”

“It's Queen Cecily... I mean-t-that would be an honor, my king!”

“Alright, calm down, you look like an idiot. There’s still much of Camelot for you to see. Come along.”

Merlin's pride for his king was rivaled only by his anxiety. Deciding he couldn't watch any longer, Merlin ducked and ran desperately through the halls. Gaius would have some insight. He'd know what to do. He'd know how to fix Arthur. How to make things go back to the way they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone reading this!
> 
> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J


	10. The Physician

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I saw the part of you  
> That only when you're older you will see too  
> You will see too
> 
> I held the better cards  
> But every stroke of luck has got a bleed through  
> It's got a bleed through
> 
> You held the balance of the time  
> That only blindly I could read you  
> But I could read you
> 
> It's like you told me  
> Go forward slowly  
> It's not a race to the end
> 
> Well you look like yourself  
> But you're somebody else  
> Only it ain't on the surface
> 
> Well you talk like yourself  
> No, I hear someone else though  
> Now you're making me nervous'
> 
> You're Somebody Else by Flora Cash

"Gaius! You have to help!" Merlin yelled, tripping into the physician's chambers.

"What is it, Merlin? Is there an emergency? What's wrong?" Gaius burst out from behind a tower of precariously stacked books. He shuffled over, quickly scanning the boy for injuries. Finding none, he stared at Merlin expectantly.

"It's Arthur!" Merlin gasped, gesturing out towards the hall. Gaius turned to grab his medical bag.

"What happened? Is he hurt?" Gaius asked.

"He's not acting right! I think he might be possessed! Well, not possessed... but he... he...- I don't know, Gaius! He just snapped at this ambassador! I've never seen him act like that! What do you think it could be?"

"... You're worried because .... Arthur yelled at a nobleman?" Gaius stepped back, tiredly rubbing a hand across his forehead. He dropped his bag unceremoniously and leaned back against a desk. When Merlin had barged through the door yelling, Gaius had feared the worst.

"No, he didn't even yell at him! He just threatened him. He - the ambassador was incredibly rude - and so Arthur... he... well, he scared the absolute shit out of him!"

"I don't understand...," Gaius sighed, "Arthur reprimanded a disrespectful ambassador... and therefore you believe he is possessed?"

"Yes? No. I don't know. It's just unlike Arthur. He was - I don't know, Gaius." Gaius chuckled. It seemed that Merlin was still in shock from the legalisation of magic. The physician knew he too was struggling to truly process it. Poor Merlin likely feared it was too good to be true, and now searched for an evil explanation. "Merlin, perhaps Arthur was just doing his job. He is king now, and he has to maintain authority over his subjects. Especially when severely disrespected, as I gather he was by the ambassador. I don't think it's unusual, Merlin. It may just be a side of Arthur you haven't seen yet."

"I know Arthur better than anyone! He's never been this cold and aggressive. I went to see him this morning, and he could barely look at me! He doesn't trust me!"

While his wording sounded like a concerned 'friend', Gaius heard the underlying message, _'Arthur isn't behaving the way I want him to. He suddenly knows my biggest secret. He is on an equal playing field with me. I'm scared he's changing. I'm scared he's angry with me.'_ Merlin had slowly been getting more obsessive and possessive over Arthur. It was unhealthy and now unnecessary. With magic legal, Merlin and Arthur could work together. Merlin didn't need to do it all himself.

"...What was the cause of Arthur's... behavior?" Gaius inquired carefully, searching for the root of Merlin's worries.

"Haldorwin was spouting anti-magic propaganda! He called Arthur a coward and threatened to dissolve the treaty with Bennet!"

"And what did Arthur say exactly?"

Merlin quieted, his lips pursing then pulling into a gentle, proud smile. "Well, that people with magic in his kingdom were still his subjects. And that he refused to hunt them any longer. And that Haldorwin should know better than to threaten him since Bennet relied so heavily on Camelot for protection and trade..."

"I wish I could have been there to see it!" Gaius beamed brightly, "Arthur will make a great king. I don't find anything particularly disturbing about that, Merlin."

"What are you talking about? We have to find a way to fix him!" With surprising strength, rage swelled in Gaius's chest. He'd heard those words before, many years ago. Gaius glared disapprovingly, and a protective snarl forced its way from his lips, "Arthur does not need fixing."

"How can you say that?! He's acting like a completely different person! There's something wrong with him!"

"ENOUGH, MERLIN!"

Merlin gaped at Gaius. He stumbled back, having never experienced such anger from his mentor. He choked back his brewing protests and swallowed thickly.

"The Merlin I know and love would be proud of Arthur right now. You complain that he doesn't believe you anymore, but he has every right to be distrustful. And have you ever stopped to consider that Arthur was putting up as much of a facade as you were?"

"...What?"

"I've known Arthur since the day he was born. He is no fool. You mistake his stubborn faith in you for stupidity. The way we chose to see the world creates the world we see. And Arthur is especially good at burying what he doesn't wish to know." Gaius shook his head in frustration. His voice was laced with guilt and wavered regretfully. Merlin chuckled darkly. Gaius had never defended Arthur before...

"But he never noticed I had magic. I declared myself a sorcerer to Uther's court, and he still didn't suspect me! And he believed me when I told him that he killed all those enemies while knocked out! That doesn't even make sense."

"Maybe Arthur didn't want to see it, Merlin. And even if he had asked you, would you have been truthful? Why is it that you find fault in Arthur's ignorance but not your dishonesty?"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO LIE."

"Yes, I did, Merlin. I admit that I was wrong. I was scared to lose you, as I lost so many friends to Uther's wrath. Are you going to pretend not to understand that?"

"It's different! Now that Arthur knows he's just going to get in the way!" Merlin's chest heaved, and he pulled at his hair. His magic hummed angrily under his skin, the vials and instruments on Gaius's benches beginning to shake and clatter. He turned away, trying to control the crushing anger and fear pulsing his veins.

"Sometimes I wonder, do you care only for the mythical 'The Once and Future King'? What about Arthur as a person, Merlin? What of Arthur Pendragon, whose trusting heart was betrayed continuously? Do you care about how he feels? And I mean right now at this very moment, not in some obscure future destiny. If the druids came and told you the Once and Future King was someone else, would you leave Arthur and go to him? Have you reduced yourself to just Emrys? What of you, Merlin, and what do you believe, prophecies aside?"

"Of course, not! I care about Arthur! It's more complicated than that." The warlock roared, books flying and glass shattering as he turned to face the physician.

"Is it, Merlin? You blame everyone but yourself! You blame Arthur for trusting you, you blame me for misguiding you, you blame destiny, you blame Morgana, you blame Uther!"

"It wasn't my fault! I did what I thought had to be done!" The clay vases on the bookshelves exploded into tiny shards and sticky liquids.

"Well, you were wrong! We both were. And if you don't admit to that, Arthur will never accept your empty apologies!"

Merlin screamed brokenly, and a huge crack spidered across the stone floors. He wiped his watering eyes, blinking rapidly, and stared at the wreck. Sucking in a shaky breath, he whispered.

"I need to go clear my head."

"Merlin -" Gaius called after him.

But the warlock was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone reading this!  
> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J


	11. The Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Lover, come over... Look what I done  
> I've been alone so long I feel like I'm on the run  
> Lover, come over...Kick up the dust  
> I've got a secret... Starting to rust...
> 
> She said I'm looking like a bad man. Smooth criminal  
> She said my spirit doesn't move like it did before  
> She said that I don't look like me no more, no more  
> I said, "I'm just tired." She said, "You're just high."  
> And I said I saw you in the water  
> And I said I saw you in the water'
> 
> Cringe by Matt Maeson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I incorporated some of my readers' comments into this chapter. I was so excited to see you guys loving the story and the angle I decided to take for the fic. Your kind words mean the world to me!

Merlin walked through the castle, the halls empty and nostalgic like a bird's nest in winter. It was getting late now, the sky was a deepening orange, and the air was getting colder. Distantly, he could hear the clanging of swords and the yells of knights training down in the courtyard. Merlin leaned against the walls and slumped down to sit on the floor.

Gaius was right. About everything.

Arthur didn't need fixing.

It was Merlin who needed to change. He'd lied to Arthur and then expected no consequences to their relationship. He'd been more concerned with his magic and Arthur's safety than the repercussions of his lies. They hadn't even been simple fibs. They were unforgivable deceptions.

Like lying about Ygraine. Merlin had stolen Arthur's autonomy. He could have found another way. Interfering had only led to more suffering. He didn't understand how personal it was to Arthur. It was one of the first damning mistakes Merlin made.

Then with Kilgharrah and the attacks on Camelot. He'd watched Arthur struggle and suffer, desperate to save his people. Merlin freed Kilgharrah, and innocent people died as the dragon sought revenge. In the end, Merlin lost his father and told Arthur he'd killed the beast. Merlin's meddling had just hurt himself and everyone he cared for. His heart clenched at the memory of watching Arthur grieve for his lost comrades and subjects… watching the king blame himself for not being a better protector. But what was Arthur supposed to do? Everyone looks to him for guidance and leadership, but aside from the rare occasion he opened up to Merlin, Arthur had no one.

Merlin scrubbed harshly at his eyes, willing the guilty angry tears away. But his mind was already racing, and the list of his misdeeds piled up quickly. Uther's death, while an accident, was Merlin's fault. Morgana's betrayal certainly was, too. Merlin had poisoned her. He'd turned her against them, made her angry, abandoned her when she was afraid and lonely. And Excalibur... how much of Arthur's confidence as king came from that sword? And for what? Merlin growled frustratedly and thumped his head back harshly on the wall.

Arthur had confessed his doubts about Uther's laws. He rebelled against his father, and he went searching for the Mortaeus flower. Then Arthur helped Merlin and Morgana smuggle out the little druid boy, Mordred. And finally, he'd turned to 'Dragoon the Great' for help when his father lay dying. And still, Merlin kept lying. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Every word had suffocated his spirit, and the brunet scratched uselessly at the strangled feeling in his chest.

Merlin had gotten swept away by the pressures of a great destiny. He had lost himself and forgotten the bright-eyed hopeful boy he used to be. The only time Merlin felt like himself was with Arthur. He relied on him more than he'd realised. He became addicted to the 'Once and Future King' but neglected Arthur in the process.

Arthur had trusted him with his innermost thoughts, doubts, and responsibilities... and Merlin had taken it for granted. Arthur portrayed himself as some sort of oblivious comic relief character, and Merlin bought it. But when the truth came crumbling down, Arthur had done the right thing. He could have hated Merlin, but instead, he freed him. Arthur was fulfilling his destiny.

After all, what did the king do when he discovered Merlin's betrayal? Arthur offered him the position of Court Sorcerer and legalised magic. He proved all of Merlin's fears wrong. So why was Merlin still so scared? Did the mere idea of Arthur being 'competent' upset him? It revealed some truths about Merlin. He underestimated Arthur.

Arthur was incredible. No matter what happened, he pushed forward and did what was best for his people. Arthur stood toe to toe with monsters and men alike without hesitation. Without magic. He was just a man, but he was fearless. He always did what was right, no matter the cost.

Merlin had been dependent on Arthur for so long, dedicated his life to him. The warlock had created this false narrative where Arthur was helpless without him. But how could Merlin claim to care about Arthur if he blew up the first time the king was true to himself? Arthur had lifted the ban on magic. He'd done it. And when his decision was questioned, Arthur had stood behind it fiercely. His words echoed in Merlin's head.

_ "I have dissolved the ban on magic. It's prejudiced and violent, and it resulted in the deaths of hundreds. I have no need for it in my kingdom." _

_ “Those with magic in my lands are still my people. They are not my enemies, they are my subjects, and I must serve them as such.” _

_ “Magic does not corrupt people. Fear does. And power." _

_ “Yes, I am a young king, and I don't know what kind of king I will become, but I do have a sense of the kind of Camelot I wish to live in. One of equality and justice." _

They could share the burden. Share the responsibility. Arthur wasn't being sabotaged anymore. Their destinies were intertwined. Arthur’s part in the prophecy was equal to Merlin’s. They were two sides of the same coin. For a while, that coin had laid on its side. Merlin’s revealed to the light, and Arthur’s pressed into the darkness. They had to find a way to balance. Merlin had to trust Arthur. He would learn from his failures, and he would apologise. Maybe, someday, he could earn back Arthur's trust.

Also, he would have to find a way to fix Gaius's floor.... and go herb picking for a solid month to restock Gaius's cabinets.

Merlin sighed and stood stiffly and hobbled back to the physician's chambers. But then, as he rounded the corner, Merlin saw Arthur duck into Gaius's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone reading this!  
> Hi ladies, gents, non-binary friends,
> 
> This was beta-read by the fabulous Lawless_bard! <3  
> I also have a Tumblr page for this fic with fan art and bonus material! If you want to check it out my page is van1llab34n KING PENDRAGON!
> 
> http://van1llab34n.tumblr.com
> 
> Also if you enjoy this work please leave kudos and comments and remember to bookmark it!
> 
> All of the love in the world,  
> J


	12. The Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if they seem out of character. I had a hard time believing Gauis would be so impartial to Arthur as he had been in the show. He's known Arthur since the day he was born there has to be some sort of relationship, right? Anyways, I'm posting this before my beta reader got a chance to look it over since they're busy right now. I'll come back and clean it up later. But I didn't want to leave the lovely readers following the story hanging for too long!  
> xoxo  
> J

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Arthur motioned incredulously to the obliterated room.

_‘Was there an earthquake?’_ Arthur wondered anxiously, _‘How? I felt nothing… but how else does a rift as wide as a lance pole suddenly appear in a stone floor?'_

"Oh, it was just Merlin, sire." Looking up at his visitor, Gaius chuckled at Arthur's shocked face. The king had always been capable of making the most amusing expressions. The physician calmly puttered around, carefully reorganising his surviving supplies and equipment.

"JUST MERLIN? There's a giant hole in your floor!"

There was indeed a sizable gap in the floor. Gaius stepped over it cautiously to set a stack of books back on the shelves. "His magic tends to get away from him in emotional moments."

"Do I want to know?" Arthur looked up and lifted an eyebrow nervously.

"You might, but I think it's best that you and Merlin sort it out without my meddling."

Arthur nodded abashedly and shifted back on his feet. For a moment, Gaius was reminded of the tiny prince who would run to him with injured forest animals, asking if the physician could heal them. Much of that childish innocence had been snuffed out and replaced with mature determination. Gaius looked at the king with a wary wistfulness.

"I do hope you can forgive him, sire." 

"I-..." Arthur looked away awkwardly, his lips in a tight line and eyes to the floor.

Gaius, noticing the king step back as though turning to leave, cleared his throat and gestured ruefully at the mess of broken pots and spilled potions.

"While I apologise for the state of my room, is there something I can do for you?"

Arthur laughed weakly and shuffled forward to lean against one of the mostly intact benches. "Don't fret about it, Gaius. You should have seen the state of my chambers..."

Gaius squinted questioningly, and Arthur raised his messily bandaged hands. The physician tutted disapprovingly and raised his pince-nez glasses to his face. "I thought your days of getting into fistfights were over, sire. Please tell me you didn't hit the ambassador. I heard you gave him quite a fright as it is!"

"No! No, I didn't - I - It wasn't exactly a fight. More of a one-sided assault to my bedroom wall?" The young king snorted with self-depreciation, halting at Gaius's understanding sigh.

"I see... Alright, take off the wraps. I'll get some salve."

Gingerly, Arthur unwound his makeshift bandages. His hands were every color but the pale tan they were supposed to be. The middle knuckles were the worst, so grotesquely bruised that they were almost black and swollen to twice their size. He flexed his fingers stiffly, holding in a pained gasp with a tight bite on his lip. 

"Oh, Arthur!" Gaius chastised, pulling the injured fists up for examination. He clucked his tongue and pulled a flickering candle over for better lighting.

"I know..."

"Your knuckles look smashed, sire. And based on the swelling-...how long did you wait to find me, my lord?"

"Two days...?" Arthur murmured guiltily, "They don't hurt that bad...I thought maybe if I left them be..."

"You know better!"

"There's plenty of proof to the contrary.”

"You must value your hands, sire. They allow you to fight, to write, to touch. If you'd left them any longer it could have caused irreparable damage."

Arthur nodded and quietly let the physician bend his fingers and press gently at the swelling. In the past, Arthur would put up a fit at being fussed over, trying to talk down the scale of his injuries with false bravado. But he was tired, and there was no point in pretending anymore. Instead, he tried to spark conversation with the aged healer.

"Merlin said he didn't know how to heal broken bones. Do you? Could you teach him?"

"I once used my gifts for such things, yes. It's tricky and requires precision, or the bones can heal oddly. Merlin was never much interested in healing magic. He found combat magic more entertaining. That and spells to do his chores so he could laze about." Gaius snickered.

Arthur shook his head. Of course, when Merlin said he used his magic solely for the king, his daily chores fit that jurisdiction.

"I offered Merlin the position of Court Sorcerer. Sort of... it got a bit..."

Gaius grinned broadly, "He must be very proud, sire."

"I don't know... I would like you to teach him everything you know if he agrees."

"I'm sure he will, sire. Just give him time. Merlin sometimes struggles with change, but he'll find his way."

Arthur agreed silently and observed Gaius applying different tinctures to his hands. "...Why don't you use your magic, Gaius?"

Gaius paused and looked up at his patient with a pleased smile. "My mind is not what it used to be, sire. I have gone many years without practicing, and magic is a fickle thing. It can be dangerous if done incorrectly. I have much wisdom in the theoretical magic but not the physical."

Arthur pondered this.

“You knew me better than almost anyone, Gaius.”

“Yes, sire.”

“Why did you tell Merlin to lie to me?”

A heavy silence filled the air, Gaius dropped Arthur's hand and twisted away to mix herbs and oils in his pestle and mortar. A soft crackle and rhythmic tapping echoed in the quiet chambers. Haggardly, the man started to explain.

“In the beginning, I was afraid. Merlin was so young and kindhearted. Then suddenly, he was thrown amid the most dangerous family to his kind. As time went on, I worried telling you would force you to choose between protecting Merlin and obeying your father. You are a loyal son, and I know it would have pained you. I -I felt I couldn’t risk Merlin’s safety. I’ve lost too much, too many friends and peers to Uther. I love Merlin as though he were my son.”

“...I understand,” Arthur admitted sorrowfully.

“I've judged you wrongly, sire.”

“No... I do not know what I would've done if I had discovered this when Merlin and I first met. There are things that I wish could've been different, but I can't change the past. Thank you... for keeping Merlin safe.” Arthur whispered, ashamed. Gaius placed a hand gently on the king's cheek. Arthur jerked, unfamiliar with the touch, but relaxed and let Gaius cradle his face.

"You have become very wise, Arthur. Care to let me in on your sudden wisdom?"

"I..." Arthur paused, "I know now, Gaius. I know everything. What I once believed is no longer true. Surely that changes a man."

"Merlin told you...?"

"No. I found the answers on my own."

Gaius scrutinized the young king with intelligent blue eyes. Arthur was hiding something. Arthur pointedly held the eye contact, setting his jaw stubbornly, a defensive challenge. Gaius relented, bowing somberly and opening a cupboard to fetch some gauze. When he returned to his patient, the physician caught a glimpse of the vulnerable and distrustful emotions churning behind the king’s authoritative expression. Hesitantly, Gaius cupped Arthur's hands in his own and spoke again.

“There's something I haven't said to you before that I want to say now." Gaius mulled over his next words. His thoughts had eaten at him since Merlin and Arthur returned from the forest, changed. He had to confess his guilt. "I protect Merlin as my own. I am sorry I didn't protect you too. I- I've never forgiven myself for allowing - for what happened to you."

Arthur went rigid, trying to pull his hands out of Gaius's grasp, but the physician held fast. Scoffing with forced amusement, Arthur tried to quickly dismiss the topic. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Ignoring the boy's denial, Gaius pushed on. "You didn’t deserve what was done to you. I was foolish to hope that as you aged, it would resolve itself. I ignored you. I couldn’t help you. I stitched your wounds, soothed your bruises, and mended your bones, and then I sent you right back into the hands of your..."

“What’s done is done." Arthur sharply cut in, yanking his bandaged hands back with a wince and stoically sliding off the bench. "I needed disciplining. I don’t want to talk about it any longer.”

“Arthur, we need to address this…"

“I don’t know what you mean.”

"It wasn't your fault, sire."

Arthur faltered and quieted, looking at the healer with apprehension.

"Uther was... I am sorry I didn't help you. I was afraid, and I let it overrule my morals." Gaius's breath shuddered, and he looked down sorrowfully.

Arthur pitied the clearly guilt-ridden man and struggled to comfort him. "Magic had just been banned, Gaius. You were spared out of my father's 'fondness' for you... Because you aided him... If you'd defied him, it would have meant your life. No matter how little the offense."

Gaius shrugged, realising Arthur was not understanding him

"I worry for you, Arthur. I know you harbor secrets too. And I fear they will fester inside you and cause more harm. Just as Merlin’s did."

"I- Gaius."

"You are a good man, Arthur. A good king. A good friend. A good brother. A good son." Gaius smiles. "None of this was your fault, Arthur. You..."

"....Yes?"

"You remind me so much of Ygraine… Sometimes I wonder..." Gaius dismissed the thought suddenly."Your mother would be very proud of you. As I am. As Merlin is."

"I… Thank you."

Snapping out of his reverie, Gaius patted Arthur's shoulder gently and handed him a little bottle. "Here is a tonic. It will reduce the inflammation and allow you to sleep well tonight. Don't fight and try not to use your hands too much. Come back to me in two days, when the swelling calms. If your hands need further support, I will have to put your hands in casting."

"...Right. That would be a challenge."

"Then I suggest you avoid punching walls in the future, sire."

Arthur laughed dryly, "Good night, Gaius."

Arthur stood and left the kind physician's chambers, closing the door carefully behind himself. He sighed and shook his head, nearly tripping right over Merlin. The brunet man jerked awake, startled, and unfolded from the tucked position he'd fallen asleep in against the wall. Merlin stared up at Arthur in surprise, waving a hand awkwardly.

"Hey..."

"What are you doing out here?! The floor must be freezing..." Arthur asked worriedly, holding out a hand for Merlin to take and pulling him up.

"I saw you go in, and I didn't want to interrupt."

"Oh..." Arthur stared at the warlock shyly, "Thank you."

"Arthur..."

"Yeah..?"

"No matter what... I never want you to feel alone..."

The strong force of deja vu that hit Arthur left him breathless. The same exhausted and apologetic look rested on Merlin's face, a hand coming up to rub his tired eyes. Arthur stared at Merlin intensely. 

Sometimes Arthur did that, just peered into Merlin's eyes with such focus that the warlock swore Arthur could see his very soul. Merlin wrung his hands and wondered what Arthur was thinking. 

"Arthur? Are you... ok?"

Arthur's eyebrows furrowed and he stepped forward. Absurdly, Merlin wondered briefly if the king was going to hit him. But then with a tenderness Merlin didn't know Arthur possessed, he was pulled to the blond's chest and held tightly. Merlin stilled for a second before absolutely melting into the hug. 

"Oh..." Merlin gasped.

Arthur's face tucked into Merlin's neck and his hand cautiously laced in his hair. Merlin looped his arms around Arthur's back and ran his hands lightly up and down it. Arthur's hold tightened, his body warm and molded around Merlin's. He took a deep breath, the exhale tickling Merlin's neck. With one last squeeze, Arthur stepped back and walked away.

Merlin stood stunned, his arms slowly lowering from the now empty air. Arthur turned the corner and walked out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I have no idea what an 6th century physician would have done for a broken hand so I just assumed that without meds and ice it would be more herbal and rest? Maybe a split or an early for of a cast if it was really bad? Anyways I tried 🤣
> 
> Also I'm super excited for this chapter 13 so I hope you guys like itttt!


	13. The Knight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @kamillarivera I loved your idea and decided to use it for this chapter! I hope you like it!  
> Thank you so much!  
> Also for everyone else who commented their suggestions, I will still be using them for future chapters! If you have any more ideas or prompts for the fic then comment below!  
> Lots of love,  
> J

Merlin hadn't realised Arthur's skill for being everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. It was like Arthur was always there where Merlin could see him, but far enough he couldn’t reach him. Just this morning, the warlock had almost caught up with him after a meeting, was almost close enough to touch Arthur’s shoulder, then suddenly the man disappeared. It was infuriating. 

And Arthur was exhausted. He tried to hide it with perfect posture and practised words, but he couldn’t fool Merlin. The king’s skin was a few shades too light, his eyes dark and heavy, and he hadn’t even really smiled in days. Weeks?

_ 'Maybe he could do with another hug… but the prat would never ask for one.' _ Merlin thought bitterly. He didn’t know how much good it would do anyway. 

Arthur hadn't taken a moment's rest since he lifted the ban. He met with a different ambassador, messenger, or noble daily. He trained the knights, met with the public, visited the council, settled disputes. And then, after all of that, Arthur went back to his chambers and labored over paperwork until the wee hours of the morning. At least, as far as Merlin could tell from the flicking candlelight in his window. Was he sleeping? Was he eating?

It had been weeks, and Arthur hadn't so much as stepped outside Camelot's walls. Instead, he sent knights to hunt for Camelot's meat. The people murmured at how dedicated their king was, but Merlin knew that he was equally self-destructive. But since the gentle hug in the hallway, Arthur hadn't acknowledged Merlin - aside from asking his decision on being the Court Sorcerer. When Merlin asked if that's all Arthur wanted him to be, the king had responded with, "I can think of no one better for the job..." which wasn't an answer.

And Merlin was worried. He tried not to be, to give Arthur his space, to respect his boundaries. But Merlin could sense something strange around the king. Something like magic, powerful magic, but not so… obvious? He couldn’t explain it, but it scared him. Was Arthur enchanted? Was he cursed? It was one thing to respect a friend’s privacy, and another to ignore the signs of a dangerous sorcerery. Wasn’t it?  
Gaius seemed to think so, and told Merlin to keep an eye on Arthur. Leon had approached him as well, asking about the sudden changes in the king’s behavior. The knights and servants had looked to Merlin for answers, too. Arthur was paranoid, cold, angry but also controlled, peaceful, and bold. Nobody was sure what to make of it, but it was concerning.

So, now, at some random hour of the night, drowning in guilt, Merlin followed Arthur as he checked with the knights on watch. When nothing unusual or dangerous was reported, Arthur turned to leave. Until he noticed a man missing. Specifically... 

"Where is Gwaine?"

"He was... Something came up, your majesty. Sir Gwaine was needed elsewhere." A young voice stuttered out. A new knight.

Arthur straightened his shoulders. He stared down the knight, Sir Haew, with an indiscernible expression. "Is that so? Any ideas where he might be?"

Sir Haew chuckled awkwardly, fidgeting under the king's scrutiny. "He may have said something... about the armory..?"

_ Lie.  _ Arthur cleared his throat, "And by that, I assume you mean the tavern?"

"Most likely, my lord."

The king nodded and dismissed the knights, forcing a smile to Sir Haew, and hurriedly stepped back. Arthur grabbed a discarded cloak from the benches and slung it on before marching off to the town. Specifically, the Rising Sun Tavern. 

Merlin ran a hand down his face and sighed. This wasn’t going to be good. Still, he ran after the blond, careful to stay in the shadows.

Arthur found Gwaine exactly where he thought he would. The handsome knight stumbled in through the backdoor, already drunk, and he giggled upon seeing the angry king at the entrance.

"Oooh," Gwaine giggled, elbowing an equally drunk knight, "Looks like someone's in trouble."

The knight snickered and wished him luck. He was going to need it. Arthur jerked his head, signaling they take this outside, and Gwaine followed him lazily to the alley.

"What exactly are you doing, Sir Gwaine?" Arthur said sharply, pushing the drunk knight against the wall. Gwaine smiled and waggled his eyebrows.

"Ah, you know raising spirits with the boys. What good is a bunch of mighty warriors if they can't hold their drink? Wouldn't want them to embarrass you at a fancy feast, now would you, Princess?"

Arthur's grip tightened as the magic whispered to him.  _ Lie _ . "They are off duty. You are not. And we both know that's a lie. Try again."

"What do you mean,  _ 'that's a lie' _ ? You get bonked on the head again, sweetheart?" Gwaine rolled his eyes and mimed a fist against his skull. Arthur tensed as though about to strike, then stepped back harshly.

"You are lying to me. What's so important that you couldn't wait until you were released? What exactly were you doing?!"

Gwaine's eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms. What was Arthur so upset about? He disappears for weeks without a single word to his knights, his friends, about the sudden change of heart, and then he wants to force himself into Gwaine's business? All while acting like he's some sort of saint who would never pass up a shift for a bit of fun? Supposedly, now that he was such a damn slave to the throne, Arthur would never stoop so low. 

"Fine, I went out for a drink a little before my shift ended. I was feeling parched, what can I say? You know me…"

Arthur's scowl tightened. _ Lie. Lie. Lie.  _ It was a lie, but only barely. More like the omittance of a truth. Arthur couldn’t see the real reason, but he could feel the betrayal. And it drove him mad. The spell hummed against his skull, but another feeling began to creep up beside it. A static-like rushing buzzing that pulsed in Arthur's veins. "That's a lie. Try again."

"What do you want, Arthur? So what if I left a little early? Nothing happened. And if I did I would have had your back like I always do. Besides, there were other knights, they would have been fine!" 

"Stop lying to me!" Arthur roared, slamming his fist into the wall by Gwaine's head. The rushing feeling in his veins surged, and Arthur struggled to compose himself. His words reverberated in the knight's head. Arthur could hear the lie, and he pushed on it harder. Gwaine choked and the truth came out as if against his will. Perhaps it was the ale or the adrenaline, but Arthur almost seemed to glow in the darkness, his eyes impossibly blue. Gwaine's face shuttered between angry and afraid, his mouth snapping open and words pouring out. 

"Fine! I was getting fucked up the arse by Percival behind the Rising Sun. It was a jolly good time, and you should try it. Maybe it could loosen you up for once. Is that what you wanted to know? You fucking pervert."

Arthur stared at Gwaine with a blank expression for what might have been a solid minute before coughing harshly. His coughing fit turned into laughter, and Gwaine watched him with a mixture of embarrassment and worry. Had Arthur honestly snapped? He was laughing…?

Suddenly, the king’s cackles halted to a stop, and he shuddered out a frustrated growl. "You couldn't keep it in your pants for another few hours? You have a duty...."

"Nothing was happening! You repealed the ban on magic. There are no sorcerers to fight!"

"There are still dangers. You have a duty to me and the people of Camelot."

"I do that duty! Camelot is safe!" Gwaine rushed forward, close enough to touch foreheads with Arthur, who stared down the knight as he lunged at him unblinking. Merlin almost rushed forward out of his hiding spot but held himself still.

"You lied to me." 

"It was private!"

"It doesn't get to be private when it's on my time. When I have to go looking for one of my most trusted knights, slacking from his duties, and lying to his king." Arthur pushed Gwaine back forcefully with one hand. The knight, disadvantaged by his alcohol consumption, stumbled back and sagged against the wall. Arthur’s anger faded to disappointment, and then worst of all, shame. "You had a duty to me, and the people of Camelot. They pay the taxes I request because I promise them it goes to their welfare and protection. It goes to you, Gwaine, as payment for your service. "

Gwaine sputtered and bit his tongue when he saw Percival, who had crept forward at the commotion, standing red-faced with a pint of ale in his hand. Arthur followed his gaze and nodded to the bashful knight. "Percival, please take Gwaine to his room. I’m afraid he’s too drunk to be of any use to the watch now anyway. I trust the two of you will be at training tomorrow after a visit to Gaius?"

"Of course, Princess. When have I ever been late?" Gwaine huffed, allowing himself to be pulled up by Percival. His comrade -and lover- tried to shush him and stop a reprise in the fight. 

But Arthur didn’t blow up, he just sighed and dropped his head. "The better question is when have you ever been on time, and the answer to that is never in your life, Sir Gwaine."

"Sir Gwaine, now is it?"

"It is what you prefer to be called, is it not?"

"Since when have you cared? What happened to your creativity, Oh Mighty Liege?"

Percival tried to steer Gwaine away from the king but was batted away angrily. The knight knew he was stronger than Gwaine, but he didn’t want to hurt him. He fought all of Percival’s attempts to subdue him.

"I spend it now on more important matters," Arthur said coldly, backing away from the intoxicated brunet.

"Like what?! Scaring the absolute shit out of anyone who dares cross you? We both know you're really just a big softie at heart, aren't ya? Just a dainty princess pretending to be a big bad king!"

"I think it's best if Percival assists you to your quarters."

"Oh for fucks sake, would you just take the bait already?!" Gwaine yelled, thumbing a fist down onto Percival’s constricting arms.

"I don't know what you're implying."

"I think you do know what I'm 'implying', sire. You've already proved you're not the fool you pretend to be."

"It's touching to hear you thought so highly of me."

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Gwaine exclaimed, halting his struggling to stare at Arthur exasperatedly.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Are you just having a fuss because Merlin lied to you? Is that what this is? Are you going to hold this grudge forever?" The rumor had spread that Arthur’s manservant, Merlin, had been a sorcerer all this time. The laundresses and stable boys had gossiped in hushed whispers, and the knights quickly caught on, too. Gwaine had believed it the second he heard it, and Arthur’s reaction only confirmed it.

"No... no, of course not _ ,  _ I hold no ill will for Merlin. I don't hold any grudge. I have a job to do.” A nagging reminder in the back of his head was telling Arthur to stop arguing with the knight while he was drunk and __ out in public, but he ploughed on. His resentment at being lied to again, not just now, but an immeasurable amount of times before, won out. “I am the king. If my methods do not please you then leave. I will be on the training field at daybreak. Will you be,  _ my lord _ ?"

Gwaine noticeably froze at the noble title. And from his hiding spot, Merlin did too. Merlin knew that Gwaine had not revealed his nobility, and neither had he. And yet Arthur now knew.

"Are you questioning my loyalty?"

"No, I know exactly who your loyalty lies with."

"Then what's the fucking problem, Arthur?"

"There isn't one. And look here, your knight in shining armor is still here at your service. Percival, please escort Gwaine to Gaius. I believe he's in dire need of a hangover remedy. As usual. Goodnight, men. And Merlin... stop sulking in the shadows like some sort of deviant."

Merlin balked and tripped out into the street. The warlock’s eyes were wide, and his mouth gaped like a fish out of water. Arthur looked at Merlin and Gwaine with a manufactured blank expression. He turned and walked away, nodding to the knights as he went.

Gwaine could have sworn he’d seen Arthur’s eyes glow... He frowned and tried to focus his eyes again. "Arthur... he's...not ok."

“No, he’s not.” Merlin agreed. 


	14. Hi🥺

Hiiiii  
I just wanted to let you guys know that I will be back and updating this story as soon as possible! I am working on a film series right now and the covid restrictions, time differences, and late hours are kind of kicking my butt lol. Lots of stress. But I will be back as soon as I have free time again! So don't worry this story will continue 😊

Also I have lots of different ideas for how the rest of this fic could go. I have a few different outlines written out but what I want to know is if there's something you guys want to see in the story! Or a way you want this story to go!  
Please feel free to leave your suggestions, anything you want me to avoid, and anything you think would be fun!  
I love giving readers some sway in the story so just leave a comment! I'll tag you if I like your idea!

Love you all!  
Xoxo  
J


End file.
